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Open Poetry #17
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Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

0 posted 2001-11-13 06:22 AM


all dressed up, i am ready to go out
then i grasp, there is nowhere i could go
so i stay in place, transfixed to a sight
just because i have nowhere else to be

my face is clean, decorated with smiles
then i see that it's a picture of lies
and i wear this crown of thirsty black thorns
who drink scarlet wine flowing down my head

it feels like this is just that sad state of turmoil
when your memory's a spring waiting to uncoil


it's ever so strange when you see my face
your face shapes into an obstinate cage
i wonder what went wrong from being right
never believed you'd turn your head away

it feels like you're taking these lights away
when you rush to fade in those dark pathways
it feels almost as if, almost as if
you've got tired of looking at these eyes

i think that i am in that sad state of turmoil
when your memory's a spring waiting to uncoil





"I was born intelligent - education ruined me"

[This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 11-14-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved
Kit McCallum
Administrator
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since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
1 posted 2001-11-13 06:56 AM


"it feels like this is just that sad state of turmoil
when your memory's a spring waiting to uncoil"

Oh my ... what a powerful piece this is Sudhir!  You grabbed my heart with this piece ... I could feel an almost desperation through this lines ... an amazing write my friend, excellent!  

Wonderful to read you again!
Best wishes,
/Kit

rosepetals25
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076
PA
2 posted 2001-11-13 07:52 AM


Sudhir,

   I have to echo Kit's setiments. Very powerful emotional peice   I enjoyed.. good job

Hugs,
Tara

"My heart is like an open book, for the whole world to read"
     - Motley Crue, Home Sweet Home

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
3 posted 2001-11-13 12:49 PM


Fantastic writing, though full of sadness and turmoil.  I recall feeling like an overwound clock spring, just waiting to unwind. A different thought, but perhaps a parallel idea, viewed from the opposing pair of eyes. As always, you offer much food for thought.
Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
4 posted 2001-11-13 02:01 PM


Soft critique...

"then i grasp, there is nowhere i could go"

I was going to ask if you meant "gasp" and then it occurred to me that "grasp" could very well be what you mean;

"just because i have, nowhere else to be"

might work better without the "comma";

as for the rest, I can only ditto Kit's comments...a very strong piece here...



JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
5 posted 2001-11-13 02:59 PM


You brought thoughts to my mind that I was thinking the other day...I was wondering why I seemed to always pick women that were emotionally unavailable...was it a weakness in me...and I can only hope that I have finally broken that chain...and made a good choice in lieu of myself...and actually I believe that this one picked me...and that is the key to my happiness...James
Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
6 posted 2001-11-13 08:39 PM


your writing never fails to impress my friend.

take care

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
7 posted 2001-11-14 04:18 AM


Thank you very much, my dear friends...

and yes, Karilea, the comma was inadverdently placed... thank you...

Regards to all,
Sudhir

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
8 posted 2001-11-14 08:16 AM


Sudhir - Thank you for your wisdom - Turmoil is indeed becoming all too common a state for the world.  It's very nice to see you posting, my friend..
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
9 posted 2001-11-14 09:19 AM


Thank you Nan... for coming by and your kind response... it is quite nice to be here

Regards,
Sudhir

Interloper
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369
Deep in the heart
10 posted 2001-11-15 08:49 AM


Sudhir, you paint such strong images like a face "decorated with smiles."  Powerful!
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
11 posted 2001-11-15 10:05 AM


Interloper,

Thanks so much...

Regards,
Sudhir

texasrose
Member
since 2001-10-24
Posts 146

12 posted 2001-11-19 08:16 AM


Impressive writing, I enjoyed.  *s*
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
13 posted 2001-11-20 04:40 AM


Thanks a lot, texasrose...

regards,
sudhir

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