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Open Poetry #16
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arthur
Senior Member
since 2001-08-14
Posts 678
england

0 posted 2001-11-11 04:32 PM



stress
Do not shout or I will break
In little pieces on the floor
Peace for my own minds sake
Or let me be no more

I can feel the trembling
In hands and brow
Let us cease dissembling
Destroy me know!

My hands shake
Could i but sleep
Ever and ever awake
O, let me  sleep!

Let me cease to be
Give me peace
Let my eyes no longer see
Give me release

arthur

© Copyright 2001 michael bennett - All Rights Reserved
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
1 posted 2001-11-11 04:37 PM


Very interesting write Arthur!
Left me pondering.  
Good work!
Hugs across the pond.  ~Nancy~

~I've loved you forever, in lifetimes before.~

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

2 posted 2001-11-11 04:39 PM


Michael,

yes, I know this feeling....

constructive critique, you know it's a matter of choice, I guess, but I find a poem comes together if you don't capitalize the beginning of every line unless it's a new sentence.   Just my 2 cents.

Kathleen
nickname "Kay"
also wrote as The Lady of Shallot
"be true to yourself"

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
3 posted 2001-11-11 04:46 PM


"Do not shout or I will break
In little pieces on the floor
Peace for my own minds sake
Or let me be no more"

Shouting, even for Peace,
is not very peaceful or calming.
I enjoyed the read.
Peace and hugs to you
today and every day.  


catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
4 posted 2001-11-11 07:21 PM


Well, this sounds so close to how I feel every day, especially that part about breaking from the shouting. Stress sure is a torturous part of our lies. You pulled the feelings out very well here.
Sandra

Startime
Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918
Canada
5 posted 2001-11-11 07:32 PM


Well, I can only say that I can't let you have peace because your words are too good. More please. This is a wonderful piece of writing.  

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
6 posted 2001-11-11 08:38 PM




(sigh) Oh Arthur, I know this feeling ever so well, and pray you will feel peace and relaxation again! (sigh) My heart goes out to you, dearest friend! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Tracey
Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808
where insanity meets breeding
7 posted 2001-11-11 09:58 PM


Stressful day huh Michael? Sure sounds like it. Here's a smile to brighten it up  . Now get in that MG and cheer up. I always find it brightens my mood!! Good to see you here again

If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please?

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