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Open Poetry #16
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Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

0 posted 2001-10-22 08:47 AM


Rewrite:

Each day

She charms me like the morning's dew
With new born sunlight passing thru.
Like tender odors, of the dawn
From scented flowers still unborn.

Delights me with downy gay
Like bobbing butterflies at play.
She chitchats like the birds that sing
Their new born wakefulness of spring.

And steeps her humor just like tea
Serving cups so guiltlessly.
With plumb uniqueness of a child
And wisdom of the undefiled.

She banquets me. A shameless spread.
Her lavishment just fills the sled
With gifts of love for all my needs
I am in awe, her common deeds.

A beardless saint my misses Claus
And I a child of wild applause.


© Copyright 2001 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
1 posted 2001-10-22 08:57 AM


"And steeps her humor just like tea
Serving cups so guiltlessly.
With plumb uniqueness of a child
And wisdom of the undefiled."

Oh my, oh wow!  This is absolutely delightful Sy! Flawless in cadence and rhyme and so beautifully unique in phrasing ... just wonderful!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
2 posted 2001-10-22 09:00 AM


Kit,
Thank you for the early read. And thank you for the kind words. *L*

jonmcm
Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 222
England
3 posted 2001-10-22 09:01 AM


What a wonderful description of your love.

Cheers
Jon

Lady In White
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799
USA
4 posted 2001-10-22 09:17 AM



Aren't we all applauding you, for this...a rewrite, you say? I would have it no other way...

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown
5 posted 2001-10-22 09:21 AM


This is good. I like it.
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
6 posted 2001-10-22 09:24 AM


Jonmcm,
Thank you Jon.

Lady,
And I too. Thank you and *L*

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
7 posted 2001-10-22 09:25 AM


SmartChick,
Thank you for the like.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

8 posted 2001-10-22 11:18 AM


She charms me like the morning's dew
With new born sunlight passing thru.
====================
Delights me with downy gay
Like bobbing butterflies at play.
====================
And steeps her humor just like tea
Serving cups so guiltlessly.
With plumb uniqueness of a child
And wisdom of the undefiled.

She banquets me. A shameless spread.
Her lavishment just fills the sled
With gifts of love for all my needs
I am in awe, her common deeds.
====================================


(OHHOWILOVEWHENYOU-RE-WRITELIKETHIS)    


Each day ... you set thy turn of phrase in play
Poetry in motion ... wisdom reflected in the words thou say
Lifes lessons spun gold ... wrapped in humanities rhymes
A prophets vision ... whispered thru Edens chimes

So we come each day ... to witness thy light
And we leave wiser ... wrapped in sheer SY delight

*winkiewinkie*
me

This distance has shown how the road remains alone
Now I'm looking in my life ... for a truth that is my own.


[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (edited 10-22-2001).]

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
9 posted 2001-10-22 12:29 PM


JM,
You delight me in every tone especialy the twilight zone. Winkiewinkie Love Stinky

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

10 posted 2001-10-22 05:41 PM


Fantastic! A beautiful, peaceful and loving poem. Love it!

Maree  

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
11 posted 2001-10-22 05:53 PM


Sy--you bring delight into the day so many times...like now.
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
12 posted 2001-10-22 06:02 PM


Maree,
Thank you for the beautiful comment.

Martie,
If I do that than I am happy. *L*

The Lady of Shallot
Senior Member
since 2001-10-03
Posts 818
USA
13 posted 2001-10-22 07:58 PM


rewriting a poem is like wrapping it up again and again and it becomes so cherished....doesn't it?

I enjoyed this very much.

-befriend yourself and you will never be alone-

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
14 posted 2001-10-27 05:10 AM



Seymour-
   Love it, love it, love it!
   Just wonderful!
   Hugs,
   ~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
15 posted 2001-10-27 08:51 AM


Lady,
It does, doesn't it. Thank you *L*

Valraynis,
Thank you, thank you, thank you. *L*

Startime
Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918
Canada
16 posted 2001-10-27 11:12 AM


*sigh* rewrite or not this poem is incredibly beautiful. It flows with such perfection that I am left in awe of its writer. BRAVO!!!A masterpiece.  

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
17 posted 2001-10-27 11:52 AM


Startime,
My very humble thanks. *L*

Kevin Taylor
Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 185
near Vancouver, BC, Canada
18 posted 2001-10-28 09:07 PM


Got me! I never saw the original and I didn't know where you were going until you chose to tell. Kept me guessing.. thank you!

Kevin

"Poetry is, at once, what you get... and how you get there."


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