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Open Poetry #16

Our Passions in Poetry

Jeremy Redinger
Junior Member

since 2001-02-27

Posts 46

0 posted 2001-10-16 02:35 AM

  I wrote this poem not too long ago.  I wanted to make it into something truely special, and while it is, in my opinion, it just isn't what I wanted it to be.

  I wanted it to honor the rose and what it represents.  While it does, it doesn't truely do love and the rose justice, and it doesn't flow the way I wanted it to.

  Well, rather than go over to critical analysis and ask for help on it, I had an idea...  Or an emotion as it were.

  I want to 'Open' this poem under the passions name.  If Ron and you, the people of passions, doesn't mind anyway.

  What do I mean by 'Open'.  I mean that I want to open the poem to the people of passions, and we can collectively turn this poem into a poem with all the emotion, imagination, and magic that it was meant to have.  I'd also release my rights to the poem to passions (upon the poem's completion), with the following conditions:

  1. That when we as a majority (who participate and vote) agree that the poem is as it should be that it will not be edited further.

  2. That the poem will list the author(s) collectively under the single name "Passions In Poetry".

  3. That when the poem is finished Ron will own the copywrite to the poem under the name "Passions In Poetry".

  Sorry if all that's complicated or pushy... I just wanted to be clear on what I was offering.  When we finish the poem, the poem belongs to Passions (and therefore, Ron).

  This isn't about us.  This isn't about getting something or being recognized.  This isn't about fame or fortune or being great.  This is about the heart, emotion, and our passions in poetry.

  If you want to participate, take the poem, and turn it into the poem you believe it should be (don't be afraid to make major changes if it's for the good of the poem), and send it to my E-Mail at poetrypassions@yahoo.com.

  I will edit and arrange the poems I recieve into a single poem, taking pieces and ideas from each poem, and make the poem into the best poem I can.  I'll post the assembled poem here, and take a vote.  Those who don't like it can suggest changes that still need to be made.  If a majority believe changes need to be made then those changes will be incoporated and the poem will be reposted.  This will repeat until a majority of those who vote agree that the poem is finished, at which time I will do whatever is neccessary to pass my rights over to Passions In Poetry and Ron.

  If you don't agree with this method, feel free to make a suggestion, however the first step will be to send your version to me.  After that if someone has a better idea, I'm open for suggestions.

  Again, this is a poem that I want to shine with our love of poetry, and our deepset emotions that can connect with the message that this poem is meant to convey.  I want this poem to be great, like love, like the rose, like our passions in poetry.

  Here is the poem (for those of you still reading):

Spirit of the Rose
----------------<--@

In a solemn sent of a desert's cry,
A beggining from the end.
An end of a beginning,

A grain of water falls from the sky,
A drop of life in this desert sea.
A tear of god for the passing day,

And where that drop doth choose to lie,
A patch appears with newborn glee.
A barren earths dust fades away,

A patch of green spreads far and high,
A forest of life spreads with the breeze.
A heart of void shed from the way,

And life bursts forth anew and shy,
A magic and wonder has come to be.
A forgotten world with nothing to say,

In a spell of aroma without knowing why,
A pair with love can truely be free,
A pair can loose their fear and pain.

The silenced cry of a desert heart,
No longer bears it's constraints and fear.
It lives on in this new life content and high,
The days of yore,
Forgotten memories in a bright new day.

The birth of love and all it's magesty,
Brings these two a joy and peace,
That lets them feel bold and complete,
Alive, anew and whole.

Deep in the garden that links their hearts,
Where a tear of life has made them one,
Lies a reminder of the birth of love,
Forever echoing the magic between them,
Eternally there,
The love that completes them.

For there is the Spirit of the Rose.

--------------------------------------------------

  For the record, each version post of this poem will remain for 5 days before the votes are tallied, so that everyone may get an opportunaty to voice themselves.  At the end of the five days I'll tally the votes, and take appropriate action.  This first time around I will be remaking the poem based on your versions after the 7th day, submissions after this date will (sadly) be ignored.  The date is October 16th (a half hour shy of 12:00AM PST), so October 23rd the doors will be closed.

  If this is a dumb idea don't even give it a second thought, or tell me what you think.  I'm not even sure it's the greatest idea, but it's what I want to do.  So, there you go.  Thank you for your time.
                     Jeremy Redinger

P.S. I'm not deaf on the events of September 11th, I just want to not focus on them, and change the subject if need be.  I want us to be able to focus on joy, love, an happyness... not war. A person who only focuses on the negative is positively blind.  Yeah there's a mild pun in there, but it's true. And so, here I am.

LngJhnAg
Member Elite

since 1999-07-23

Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

1 posted 2001-10-16 09:12 AM

Yanno, Jeremy - I'm gonna have a real hard time writing anything about kicking kitties in this poem.

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