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Open Poetry #16
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2001-10-15 03:40 PM


A fortress for one family--
the walls were painted deep brick red.
Interior was dark and cool--
crisp cold air helped Daddy's breath.

The stories that abounded there
would make Tolstoy cry in despair
of too much tale for one man's pen
so I'll simply write the end.

I knew that Dad was dying
when he finally felt the cold.
We carry on, though tired of trying
of spinning straw of tears to gold.

The people there have been replaced
with mocking shadows of themselves...
The air is frigid there again--
who knew that it'd be cold in hell?

© Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

1 posted 2001-10-15 04:58 PM


All I can come up with hon is... Wow!
Just don't know what to say.

hugs

Maree

jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
2 posted 2001-10-16 01:47 PM


More than a little depth here, my southern friend...another of those home touchers.


jwesley

Interloper
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369
Deep in the heart
3 posted 2001-10-16 01:50 PM


Wow!  The finale blew me away!

Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
4 posted 2001-10-16 02:50 PM


Serenity,
It can go either way depending on where your from. LOL Enjoyed

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
5 posted 2001-10-16 02:52 PM


Left me speechless .....wow!!

~I've loved you forever, in lifetimes before.~
  

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

6 posted 2001-10-17 03:42 AM


I appreciate your kindness as always.
Thanks all.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

7 posted 2001-10-17 09:45 AM


I knew that Dad was dying
when he finally felt the cold.
We carry on, though tired of trying
of spinning straw of tears to gold.

================================

sometimes I wonder if you truley know how gifted you are ...
pure poetry baby....dont doubt me.

This distance has shown how the road remains alone
Now I'm looking in my life ... for a truth that is my own.

Startime
Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918
Canada
8 posted 2001-10-17 10:05 AM


A very powerful poem written from deep within the core of your heart. You have a way with words that always touches me deeply. Magnificent writing.

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

Lady In White
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799
USA
9 posted 2001-10-17 10:11 AM



The pain remains, as it always has...you never know how much you've lived, until you bear the loss...

well done, Serenity...

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
10 posted 2001-10-17 07:53 PM


the title got me here. . . in more ways than one. . . the words kept me here. . . and will keep me here. . . to weep with you. . .

powerfully done my friend. . .

------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

The Lady of Shallot
Senior Member
since 2001-10-03
Posts 818
USA
11 posted 2001-10-17 07:55 PM


And I also weep with you....take comfort in knowing he lives through your words.

-befriend yourself and you will never be alone-
Anna

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
12 posted 2001-10-17 09:04 PM


Hey there you darling southern belle. You sure are writing some good poetry honey ........whew this rocks and rules!
Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
13 posted 2001-10-17 09:07 PM




(big hugggssssssss) So very heartaching but beautifully written, sweet Karen! His love will always shine through your golden heart and your wonderful words! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet serenity, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
14 posted 2001-10-17 09:10 PM


Serenity, this is one of your best. Very powerful imagery.
I will keep this one in my 'Truths' file.

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