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VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

0 posted 2001-09-01 08:03 PM

dripping

                  down

                                the page

drifting
             through the sage

cross desert sands
                       at rage
in the loneliness of plague

© September 1, 2001

Zinsser
Senior Member

since 2001-02-27

Posts 1641
Calif.

1 posted 2001-09-01 08:06 PM

Very Good!!!!!

walker
Member Elite

since 2001-02-11

Posts 2240
Florida

2 posted 2001-09-01 08:14 PM

I like it.

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

3 posted 2001-09-01 08:16 PM

thanks, you two, it seems short is good in some instances, like ducking under a barrage or a table

thanks for reading

Tracey
Member Elite

since 2001-08-29

Posts 2808
where insanity meets breeding

4 posted 2001-09-01 08:40 PM

short maybe, but poignant and moving-yes. Big thought in such few words. I enjoyed

Tracey

If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please?

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

5 posted 2001-09-01 09:27 PM

Loved the words and the presentation!

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain~

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

6 posted 2001-09-01 10:11 PM

thanks, E & T, for reading and commenting, glad you enjoyed, this is the first time I've had success getting the form to appear on this page the way I wanted it, save for the fact that I wanted the last line of the poem to be one ore two more lines down.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

7 posted 2001-09-03 01:51 PM

this is clever and creative Virginia,
the succinctity of it gave it the impact,
and the rhyme and formating added to its unique style.
I have problems getting things to cut, copy and space sometimes too...
seems like last lines want to move up the page....
I just blame it on me being left handed

well done poetess V
jm

A man who asks a woman to lie for him, is a man who will lie to that woman.
A woman who lies for a man, is a woman who lies to herself.
(vise versa)

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

8 posted 2001-09-03 01:56 PM

Hey Virginia! I had to stop and smile a little because that's the start of a song.
However, this is short stuff but it allows the reader to relate right along with you!
Nicely done! I bet a real invisible woman couldn't write this well!

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

9 posted 2001-09-03 01:56 PM

thanks JM

glad you liked...I don't know if it's our hands, left or right, cuz even when we seem to do all we can think of...it still comes up, well, different--I think it's cyber-poltergeists, maybe

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

10 posted 2001-09-03 02:24 PM

Some of you people sure know how to squeeze in in between a post and a reply. Thanks, again, ethome, for your sweet message to my write.

You are so kind.

ggrn3
Member

since 2000-08-17

Posts 433
Nahunta Georgia U.S.

11 posted 2001-09-03 04:19 PM

VAS

Short, but flowing.
Very creative.
Short is good.

Garfield

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