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Open Poetry #15
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VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon

0 posted 2001-09-01 01:16 PM


Canary Islands
no yellows here, just canines
teeth of lust, gnashing


© September 1, 2001

~~~~~~~~~~~~
note, I know little of the islands, other than they were not named for the canary, but for canines/canus...so, in trying to write a senyru with satire or irony, I wrote the above
playing with canines as the sharp, extremely pointed, killer-teeth, then thinking eating lustily, then because of lust...surely there would be the gnashing of teeth for eternity, unless forgiven and one ‘turns from one’s ways’

this was a fun attempt

heh heh heh smile

[This message has been edited by VAS (edited 09-01-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Virginia Salter - All Rights Reserved
1slick_lady
Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace
1 posted 2001-09-01 07:09 PM


chomp chomp....giggle...helen
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
2 posted 2001-09-01 07:42 PM



Alan
Senior Member
since 2000-09-12
Posts 1499
right next door
3 posted 2001-09-01 08:53 PM


Good job VAS. I like the style. nice read too
alan

Krawdad
Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597

4 posted 2001-09-03 10:46 PM


I like this V, but how about this for another take:
      
Canary Islands
no yellow wings, teeth instead
Someone was bitten
    
e

VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
5 posted 2001-09-03 11:02 PM


I like it, Krawdad! A new angle a different outcome.  I do like the yellow wings as a better way to write the center line in both than what I wrote.  I played with that line quite awhile, but not long enough. Thanks for the read and comment!
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