»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #15
»
A sleeper's prayer
| Open Poetry #15 |
|
A sleeper's prayer |
|
|
citizenx Member
since 2001-07-31
Posts 189motorcade |
Under transgressing embers lacklustre twilight smothered every surface of the trinkets on the dresser she tended her long winter tresses unravelling the harlots and hair chains cluttered with men and misery, equal burdens of barren spring. The wick froze in an exhausted sigh, she lifted her head drowning the analgesic fairytale with water. 'Let Jesus walk over me. Amen' Dismorpheous eye lids, thickening murmurs, Happy endings are only for lovers. No reprise for a broken heart. In the sea void of dreams, somewhere between reflection and infliction, he rose to brush the sorrow from her eyes. 'Never give in for tomorrow I promise you a smile' This stranger she knew, A awkward lover caught in reason it never kissed quiet like their affection. ============== 25/08/01 "the blizzard of the world has crossed the threshold and it has overturned the order of the soul" leonard cohen [This message has been edited by citizenx (edited 08-25-2001).] |
||
| © Copyright 2001 citizenx - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Under transgressing embers lacklustre twilight smothered every surface of the trinkets on the dresser she tended her long winter tresses unravelling the harlots and hair chains cluttered with men and misery, equal burdens of barren spring. The wick froze in an exhausted sigh, =============================== In the sea void of dreams, somewhere between reflection and infliction, he rose to brush the sorrow from her eyes. 'Never give in for tomorrow I promise you a smile' This stranger she knew, A awkward lover caught in reason it never kissed quiet like their affection. ==================================== OH MAN!!!!!!!! where are my poetry worship knee pads.... *bowing to you* oh prince of imagery and metaphor... this poem is SOOOO COOL!!!! What a beautiful, melancholy, bittersweet, romantic, gift of pen this is. You painted this for us like a portait... and then wrote it so we felt the lonely. very very well done poet sir...very. jm |
||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
CitizenX~ 'In the sea void of dreams, somewhere between reflection and infliction, he rose to brush the sorrow from her eyes. 'Never give in for tomorrow I promise you a smile' Very nice - very nice ~ ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
||
|
Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
superbly done. . . a quiet portrait of melancholy. . .wonderfully painted. . . ------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
||
|
Ava'sEden Junior Member
since 2001-08-03
Posts 16Far&Away |
Very artistic. A beautiful spirit broken. 'Never give in for tomorrow I promise you a smile' Leaving me to hope the promise wasn't. Ava~ |
||
|
poetsguild Member
since 2001-08-12
Posts 85Florida |
unravelling the harlots and hair chains cluttered with men and misery, equal burdens of barren spring. this work is so excellent full of insight well done |
||
|
Gwendrina Junior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 33 |
Hi Citinex This is indeed a lovely poem filled with melacholly, longing and despair. It has beautiful imagery and haunts the reader with its poignant subject matter. wendy [This message has been edited by Gwendrina (edited 08-26-2001).] |
||
|
ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
"In the sea void of dreams, somewhere between reflection and infliction, he rose to brush the sorrow from her eyes. 'Never give in for tomorrow I promise you a smile' This stranger she knew, A awkward lover caught in reason it never kissed quiet like their affection." So much is so well said in this finely crafted poetry!! What an enjoyable read!! |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Besides just praising the mastery of this? I can only offer hugs. Especially after reading, what I consider to be accompaniement to this--I am now speechless. You have managed to discipline raw emotion into fine works of poetry. I applaud you my friend, and offer comfort if I can. |
||
|
Decaflame Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635 |
...never give in for tomorrow I promise you a smile... what other words could have promised so much hope, with all of the tomorrows to come... a keeper, Sir, a keeper... |
||
|
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
When "The wick froze in an exhausted sigh" I saw this incredibly sad soul flickering in the dimmed light. This is such a wonderful photograph of words. |
||
|
Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Wonderful imagery here. Corinne |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
citizenx--Oh my...what a vivid feeling you have gathered with your words. Excellent writing!! |
||
|
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I feel that your style is very advanced... your vocabulary and choice of image is superb. It is used to thread some fantastic metaphor into your writing. The tone is serene in here, and even a bit dark. "The wick froze in an exhausted sigh" is a wonderful image. Kudos on this one, I felt it was impressive. ~Allan People call me a madman, but I am not mad at anyone. |
||
|
citizenx Member
since 2001-07-31
Posts 189motorcade |
I am speechless, really. I find it hard in my replies to show how deep my gratitude is to the poets who take their time to read and reply to my words. I would like to personally thank each one of you, and though my words may not show it I am deeply grateful to everyone for their generous thoughts Jan, give me those knee pads.. we will use them for tea costers. THank you so much for your wonderful replies to all my posts. Marge, thanks. Sven, thank you sir. Ava, the promise was, and that was the saving grace. You know sometimes we don't realise the intensity of other people's emotions and sometimes a heart felt promise can mean the world. THank you for your very kind reply. poetsguild, phew.. an excellent...WOW…cool. thanks. Wendy, a very special person in my life inspired this. Writing this brought a lot of emotions forward for me, I guess it shows in the poem. Thank you. Ethome, thank you. Seren, god thanks for the hug. I will treasure this gesture and the warmth of your words, Thank you so much. Decaflame, exactly. I am learning how important those things are, like a smile a kind word. I have a wonderful muse who is helping me learn about myself. Thank you. Midnitesun, some one once told me that when a fire is untended it goes out. Those words hit hard. Thank you for your reply. Corinne, thank you. Martie, such a compliment from an accomplished poet as yourself. I am awe-struck. Thank you. Wow Allan, what can I say. It is just a moment of emotional honesty, something clicked and worked this is the result. Of course I am incredibly proud of it, and delighted and also blown away that it has reached people on an emotional level. Thank you for reading this and for the very generous words. "the blizzard of the world has crossed the threshold and it has overturned the order of the soul" leonard cohen [This message has been edited by citizenx (edited 08-28-2001).] |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
