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Open Poetry #15
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goodbye...
| Open Poetry #15 |
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goodbye... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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Go then, where you're needed. I never had a prayer. For even as I filled the seas with tears of my despair-- I couldn't let you save me. I wanted just to swim. For my hands about your neck would have done us in. Eternal, I remember... the sirens and their voice a lungful of the salty sea and knowing it my choice. Always I remember the distance in our reach how you swam so gracefully toward the white sand beach. I see you on the shoreline. Your voice rings like a bell... And on a wave's horizon, there my spirit dwells. Each evening as the tide recedes I watch you as your spirit bleeds I follow footprints on the sand and pray that you can feel my hand I dance about you as you weep and try to sweep sand from your feet with feeble wash receding tide less salt than all the tears you've cried... For all your sorrow, midst of hell, I wish that you would pick up shell and place it calmly to your ear-- an echo of my love you'll hear: "goodbye..." |
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| © Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Nice serenity...James |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
this tears my heart apart...i HATE good byes...helen |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
love the ending...how are you...hope all is well hugssssss ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Each evening as the tide recedes I watch you as your spirit bleeds I follow footprints on the sand and pray that you can feel my hand I dance about you as you weep and try to sweep sand from your feet with feeble wash receding tide less salt than all the tears you've cried... For all your sorrow, midst of hell, I wish that you would pick up shell and place it calmly to your ear-- an echo of my love you'll hear: "goodbye..." =========================== so this is where Im supposed to point out all the masterful employ of imagery and metaphor..(and you are indeed working those metaphors and painting us sea scapes with the imagery) and of course point out the perfect rhyme flow and all the pretty poetic phrases... But ....all I want to do is sigh and send hugs cuz I know .... I know.  me |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Each evening as the tide recedes I watch you as your spirit bleeds I follow footprints on the sand and pray that you can feel my hand I dance about you as you weep and try to sweep sand from your feet with feeble wash receding tide less salt than all the tears you've cried... very nice passage here... the whole of the poem is ovely..but this my favorite part.. I enjoyed!! and did you find your batteries? |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I have visions of meandering on the beach and finding that wonderful conch shell.. and listening to its secrets... Nicely done, K..  |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Made me sad.....nicely done Serenity. |
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SmittenKitten Senior Member
since 2001-06-20
Posts 1131where the sky and horizon meet |
*sigh* you have given my thoughts a voice with this, whether you know it or not. Your imagery and the flow of this are just wonderful...it read so beautifully...and achingly. Each word tugged at my heart strings. Hugs, ~Krista |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
I've always hated good byes. . . even when I know that it's for the best. . . you've shown that here. . . well done my friend. . .  ---------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
awwwww..... he'll be back....hehe  never say goodbye, my friend, only say adieu never wonder why and then they're still there with you nice write mirrored-one.... conchya see i liked it? *wink* |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
wow Serenity, this is gorgeous. I am so blown away!!  loved this one |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
For all your sorrow, midst of hell, I wish that you would pick up shell and place it calmly to your ear-- an echo of my love you'll hear: "goodbye..." ================================== enjoyed this SERENITY...nicely written.. perfect ending..hugs, g ~dgvarner/fallen rain~ |
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citizenx Member
since 2001-07-31
Posts 189motorcade |
words fail me, serene.. this is powerful "the blizzard of the world has crossed the threshold and it has overturned |
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Rosebud1229 Senior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813North Carolina |
serenity, sad, yet the words are strong and vivid, that you can feel the sand beneath your feet, excellent! |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Lovely....sad but very lovely. Well done. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I wanted to once again express my gratitude--I don't where this one came from either--I was just trying to find a point of view from, shall we say, "the other side" and how it might feel to watch helplessly while loved ones grieve. So thanks to all for taking the time to read...as always, you keep my heart.  |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
i misunderstood it... i thought the title was "goodbye to a special friend" *sigh*.....i didn't read death into it... for the grieving, it's true a loved one won't be back but will always be with you.... sorry, my special friend... |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
A truly beautiful piece, I enjoyed more with each line I read. A great piece of poetry. Rick |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Serenity--I read as was your intend..Your use of metaphor and imagery was beautiful and I'm sure myself, that from the other side love makes a definite connection. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I just wanted to say how very touched I am by the response to this...and a special hug and thank you to Martie---because I know that you KNOW. HUGS. |
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