Handed Down? Perhaps Not All---a pondering

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VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

0 posted 2001-08-23 05:34 PM

Handed Down? Perhaps Not All

so much in contrast
to my mother, am I,
in that,
while she enjoyed the memory,
of a happening,
much more greatly than the journey,

and I,
though I love having
wondrous memories,
do so much pine,
for the journey to linger
before it drifts
into memory

could it be
because all of my journeys
seem to have been cut short
or is that just
the nature of time
and its going

my marriage
once
was almost half a lifetime
now is shrinking
to less than a third
my daughter grew through childhood
in a twinkling
and enjoying my mother
was much less than absurd

now I’m old by many standards
though I’ve thoughts so young, naive, inane;
this journey’s in its downward spiral
yet somehow seems
it’s just begun.
memories so numerous
they’re clouded
surely more have come and gone
than what can be ahead
in promise

and how quickly might that journey’s end go
will there be time
for memories to hold
for all the life my mother lived
seemed all naught
when she had to go

© August 23, 2001

I don't think I've really said what I had thought I'd come to in the end of this. It is to close with the extreme finality of my mother's death. It was like all the things we'd chanced to do now only made a difference to me...that for her, there were no more memories to be cherished, no more opportunity to relish what she'd experienced. The most important part of a journey for her, was recalling it rather than doing it and now, she could do neither.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

1 posted 2001-08-23 05:47 PM

VAS... the joys were in the living it...and the recalling it was all a part of that. The final ending may or may not be death...and what she does now enjoy or not we do not truly know. I would only say... we do not know, but your faith gives you an answer... and if I remember from my childhood.it is in the moments we question that we are to turn to him and look for the answers.... we may find the answer is for us to accept we do not know and move on, letting the sadness and the grief we feel be caried by someone stronger than we are...

rwood
Member Elite

since 2000-02-29

Posts 3793
Tennessee

2 posted 2001-08-24 07:37 AM

Vas, this is deeply moving. I'm sorry for not having any answers. My mother seems to be the same of which you write. I get angry sometimes, for others take her for granted and I push for her to take moments for herself. But who am I to assume she is not exactly where she wants to be. I think I just wish more for her, in that she gave me so much. And sometimes I naively believe that she couldn't be so simply happy watching others in their triumphs. Your poem shows me that in the wanting, the memory still lingers as a need. We will never stop needing our mothers. As I believe we might be living the journey for them, and they proudly and happily look on. Peace and prayers to you.

Sincerely,
Regina

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

3 posted 2001-08-26 04:03 AM

It's less than a year since my mom died, and though we were never close, we did have many shared memories. Our perception of those memories was usually as different as night and day, yet neither time nor distance can erase the fact that we shared some moments in time together on this planet. The bond will always remain, even when the glue is like the glue on a sticky note. Does that make any sense to you?

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

4 posted 2001-08-26 04:36 AM

while she enjoyed the memory,
of a happening,
much more greatly than the journey,

and I,
though I love having
wondrous memories,
do so much pine,
for the journey to linger
before it drifts
into memory

beautiful thoughts...loved them

~Wynter

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

5 posted 2001-08-26 07:39 AM

i think i too am in constant doubt as to how my life is evolving..i had similar sentiments but i didnt have the words..thank you for this

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