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. . . Forbidden Love . . . sonnet
| Open Poetry #15 |
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. . . Forbidden Love . . . sonnet |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
My heart begs me to tell thee of my love, to voice the words hidden in my keeping, which fantasies, the telling that they wove, keeps hidden for my poor soul is weeping. Forbidden words imprisoned deep inside are quelled by the bars of propriety. Passion swells, upon which emotions ride, the raging tide of notoriety. No, the world cannot yet know of my love, forbidden fruit which I have partaken. Lo, time is swiftly passing this alcove where my hot, molten thoughts leave me shaken. Oh, for eruption and it’s sweet release. Rapture and relief, together surcease. |
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| © Copyright 2001 The Tall Texan aka Doctor Love - All Rights Reserved | |||
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
tell, tell, tell |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
my goodness, wow, and sigh all at once  I love this and yes, do tell |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I think we should see this side of your poetry more often... this is very, very good! |
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Jezziekaka Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 58where the trees touch the sky |
Interloper~ Mom told me all about you!! She was right you are romantic. Wow! I am Melting Keep up the good work!! P.S. My Mom is SEA and I am proud of it!!LOL P.P.S PLEASE Tell me your fifteen!! Jezzika be dangerous, unpredictable, and make a lot of noise! [This message has been edited by Jezziekaka (edited 08-21-2001).] |
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Jezziekaka Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 58where the trees touch the sky |
opps, got me all flustered....heehee posted twice [This message has been edited by Jezziekaka (edited 08-21-2001).] |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Forbidden words imprisoned deep inside are quelled by the bars of propriety. Passion swells, upon which emotions ride, the raging tide of notoriety. No, the world cannot yet know of my love, forbidden fruit which I have partaken. Lo, time is swiftly passing this alcove where my hot, molten thoughts leave me shaken. Oh, for eruption and it’s sweet release. Rapture and relief, together surcease. =========================== sonnets are springing up all over tonite... and its way cool... I love the phrasing and vocab in this... and the rhyme divine as well... a romantic and softly sensual beauty here. well done poet sir jm Feels like Im dancin with truth and wisdom |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
The more I read the more I learn, and I am watching these to get the nerve to try one, this was lovely and read out loud "proud" and very romantic! ~*Homepage*~ http://www.mysteria-poetry.cityslide.com/contents/contents.cfm/722155 |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Thank you all, but most especially for Jezzie ~ You should believe EVERYTHING your mother says No, I am not fifteen, I am 16 and four tenths ... ~*~ Jezzie my new friend you have made my heart flutter and put joy therein you've put a smile on my face you've put a spring in my step |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoy |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
I love sonnets ..and this is a lovely one ~Victoria~ |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Interloper ~ Great expression here, passion tastefully done. Since you welcome critique, I have made a few changes to bring your beautiful poem in line with the structure of a sonnet. You'll notice in the second and fourth lines of the first stanza, I have added an extra syllable to allow the meter to flow more smoothly, thereby giving those lines 11 syllables and having those lines end with a feminine ending (keeping and weeping), which is allowable in a sonnet. It's better to have a line with 11 syllables with the 11th being a soft ending (as long as the corresponding line also has 11 syllables with a rhyming soft ending) than to adhere to 10 syllables yet have the iambic meter out of kilter. I did the same thing in the second and fourth lines of the third stanza as well. I also tweaked a couple of other lines to make them fit the iambic pentameter required for a sonnet and I also changed 'it's'(which means 'it is') to 'its' (possessive usage) a common mistake, of which my father-in-law (a retired teacher) lovingly reminded me. Again, beautiful expression! My heart begs me to tell thee of my love, to voice the hidden words within my keeping, which fantasies, the telling that they wove, keeps hidden as my yearning soul is weeping. Forbidden words imprisoned deep inside are quelled by iron bars ~ propriety. The passion swells and my emotions ride, the raging tide of notoriety. The world cannot yet know my burning love, forbidden fruit of which I have partaken. Lo, time is swiftly passing this alcove where molten thoughts again have left me shaken. Oh, for eruption and its sure release. Conjoined relief and rapture ~ sweet surcease. [This message has been edited by Denise (edited 08-22-2001).] |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Left me speechless....it sure did, but smiling. Very well done indeed! Nancy. ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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rwood Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793Tennessee |
Just say it for goodness sakes! I'm melting here and somebody needs to let her know. This can't be untold. What's her name. I'll tell her! My applause here, my hands are hurting. Simply marvelous!Sincerely, Regina |
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SmittenKitten Senior Member
since 2001-06-20
Posts 1131where the sky and horizon meet |
hehe, looks like you've got all our hearts a-flutter Interloper!  Truly romantic write! *kisses* (to keep that bounce in your step!) ~Krista  "Poetry and Hums aren't things which you get, they're things which get you. |
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Rosebud1229 Senior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813North Carolina |
beautiful poem, hard to imagine coming from a 16 year old, just kidding! keep up the writing this is awesome. |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
*sigh*....almost missed this beauty....I thoroughly love this fabulous write. ((hugs)) Charisma |
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CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
Interloper, I concur with PoetFriendSunshine on what she replied above... I thoroughly enjoyed the read sweetie Hugs2Ualways *~coco~* |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Well, I ditto everything Denise said. Other than that... great writing! |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Very beautiful, and please do tell her. She is probably longing to hear.. Sandra |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
"My heart begs me to tell thee of my love." I think the heart is calling...James |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Absolutely beautiful! This touched me deeply. Excellent writing! Maree |
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Tiersdin Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364east coast |
Ah, Interloper in love... beautiful poem and best of luck with the object of your affections! *smiles* ~Tier |
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