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Open Poetry #15
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SEA
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you

0 posted 2001-08-13 10:25 AM


Feather light
and fancy free
Floating in
the sky of me
dancing on
whim of breeze
drifting through
my memories
landing softly……slight reprieve
(thoughts of you
never leave)

………again to air
with no direction
come face to face
with soul reflection
mirrored in
your fluttering ‘round
heart connection
has been found

through my veins
I feel you soar
To my ocean
To my core
Resting here
In sands of shore
With me now
And forever more………..

~SEA~


© Copyright 2001 S.E. A - All Rights Reserved
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
1 posted 2001-08-13 10:29 AM


Lovely, lovely SEA, absolutely!

the only thing that haldted me, I don't think you need the AND in the last line, maybe a comma at the end of the line before, but I think to the ear and heart only the briefest pause is needed before "forever more"

What do you think?

Constance
Member
since 2001-07-28
Posts 393
Ohio
2 posted 2001-08-13 10:31 AM



"through my veins
I feel you soar
To my ocean
To my core
Resting here
In sands of shore
With me now
And forever more……….."

Very, very lovely, SEA. Sure sounds like love to me!

Decaflame
Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635

3 posted 2001-08-13 10:31 AM



SEA, to see you floating so beautifully on a Monday morning makes me think that you had a most wonderful weekend...

this is lovely...

SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
4 posted 2001-08-13 10:43 AM


VAS~ thanks, I debated that and LOL
it does sound better without  

Constance~ thank you very much, and yes, it is love  THe hubby is everything  

Deca~ oh yes   thank you

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

5 posted 2001-08-13 10:50 AM


dancing on
whim of breeze
drifting through
my memories
landing softly……slight reprieve
(thoughts of you
never leave)

………again to air
with no direction
come face to face
with soul reflection
mirrored in
your fluttering ‘round
heart connection
has been found

through my veins
I feel you soar
To my ocean
To my core
Resting here
In sands of shore
With me now
And forever more………..
===================================

now whos a butterfly  
pure poetry in motion Sea...
absolutely perfect...
afterglow put to rhyme.
magic...
outstanding write of heart
it must be wonderful to have this kind of inspire.
jm

I know no one is to blame
In time youll feel strength when you call my name
I know Ill never hold you again
And I know Ill never be the same
VH

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

6 posted 2001-08-13 12:07 PM


Soft indeed... very nicely done SEA... a pleasure to read
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
7 posted 2001-08-13 02:18 PM


SEA~
Oh ... I just LOVE that forevermore stuff !

Nice, gal~
*Hugs*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
                                   noles1@totcon.com            

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