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Open Poetry #15
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Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

0 posted 2001-08-12 08:47 AM


Rewrite:

Femme-Fatal

A misty blue were her eyes
A Medusa in disguise
Chilling me with icy stare
Without a word of declare.

She froze me like a hunted prey
I could not turn or run away
I could not stop my heart in stir
So I gave myself to her

She wrapped my heart within her stead
Turned me tight within its thread
Bound me with a lovers tie
Fed me with desires high

And I succumbed to potent lust
She the bread and I the crust
And there we stayed the dragon’s lair
Over an abyss of air

In mist that covers waking morn.
In essence under covers dawn.

[This message has been edited by Seymour Tabin (edited 08-12-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2001-08-12 09:31 AM




It is always good to recognize those that see us for who we are...

well done Sy!

RSWells
Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533

2 posted 2001-08-12 09:57 AM


Femme fatale I knew her well. This was swell.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2001-08-12 11:08 AM


A misty blue were her eyes
A Medusa in disguise
==========================
I could not stop my heart in stir
So I gave myself to her

She wrapped my heart within her stead
Turned me tight within its thread
Bound me with a lovers tie
Fed me with desires high

And I succumbed to potent lust
She the bread and I the crust
And there we stayed the dragon’s lair
Over an abyss of air

In mist that covers waking morn.
In essence hovers breaking dawn.
===================================


Well ya cant blame her...
I mean how could she resist the charms of Stinky and Randy..
the wit...the wile ... the winkiewinkie style
why theres only so much a girl can take  
Gawwd I love this poem...
Yer so Keeeewwwl  
BUT SOMEBODY BETTER TELL HER...
she better check herself before she wrecks herself
she better heep her Femme-fatal hands off my Sy-babes...
or she could find her self needin a chiropracter *L*
Hell hath no fury like a jealous Tinkerbell   *L*
me

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
4 posted 2001-08-12 11:14 AM


Great rewrite Seymour and a great poem...so well expressed!   You haven't lost that magic touch I see!
catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
5 posted 2001-08-12 11:15 AM


Wow, I like this much..
I don't believe I have ever heard the metaphor included here.
"And I succumbed to potent lust
She the bread and I the crust
And there we stayed the dragon’s lair
Over an abyss of air"
Superb poem.
Where is femme-fatale anyway?
Sandra



Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
6 posted 2001-08-12 11:49 AM


Seymour~

'And I succumbed to potent lust
She the bread and I the crust'


Well .... you sure toasted this one, my friend~
Nobody butters us better than you do !
Delightful ! !
*Hugs*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
                                   noles1@totcon.com            

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
7 posted 2001-08-12 11:52 AM


Sy - You're wunnerful... What a romantic..
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
8 posted 2001-08-12 11:53 AM


Sunshine,
Thank you *L*

RSWells,
Isn't it, LOL thank you

JM,
Your answer is so adorable, I'll have to send you an Email tonight.

Ethome,
Nice to see you posting again, thank you.

Sandra,
Why she hovers o'er the abyss. Thank you.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
9 posted 2001-08-12 11:59 AM


Marge,
Your so butterable LOL *L* & hugs and kisses.

Nan,
Who could resist being lovable to you. A hug and kiss along with this. *L*

Janette
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-07-20
Posts 2843
Chicagoland for now
10 posted 2001-08-12 01:56 PM


Ohhhhhh...I loved this line:

"She the bread and I the crust"

Great visuals in this one!

Zinsser
Senior Member
since 2001-02-27
Posts 1641
Calif.
11 posted 2001-08-12 02:21 PM


I gotta go with the
Bread and crust thing too
Great write....

           Thank You
         ~~~Connie~~~

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
12 posted 2001-08-12 03:39 PM


Janette,
Thank you for the nice reply.

Zinsser,
Thank you for the nice comment.

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