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Open Poetry #15
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nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines

0 posted 2001-08-08 09:37 AM


You Thoughts

Watched the moonglow that night I left.
It's fullness covering my thoughts
in a richness not yet deserved.

Watched it follow me, mirror my existence
until I rounded that mind bend
and left it behind, except for You-thoughts.

Some day, maybe, perhaps, I shan't
have to leave myself to become with you.
Everything  will blend, and I will be able
to drink of a full life again...

~Wynter


"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II


[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (edited 08-08-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Wynter Bliss - All Rights Reserved
Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
1 posted 2001-08-08 10:01 AM


Very nice, but a slight rewite,
if you don't mind


Watched the moon glow that night I left.
Having to leave myself to become with you.
It's fullness covering my thoughts
in a richness not yet deserved.

Watched it follow me, mirroring my existence,
then to leave myself to become with you.
until I rounded that mind bend
and left it behind, except for You-thoughts.

Some day, maybe, perhaps, I shan't
have to leave myself to become with you.
Everything will blend, and I will be able
to drink of a full life again...

just a suggestion of a possible modification
Gloom

cpalmer
Senior Member
since 2001-06-26
Posts 977
Phoenix, Az
2 posted 2001-08-09 12:05 PM


I loved it!
Cindi

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
3 posted 2001-08-09 11:22 AM


Professor...Having to leave myself to become with you...could be a real treat..although 'tis better to blend..don't you think?

~smiling a thank you for the rewrite
M

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II



nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
4 posted 2001-08-09 11:23 AM


Cindi, thank you, I am glad you enjoyed my words...*s

~Wynter

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II



Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
5 posted 2001-08-09 01:27 PM


Wynter~
Your thoughts perfectly displayed~
Lovely~
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
                                   noles1@totcon.com            

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