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Open Poetry #15
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First Beam of Light (first try at a sonnet?)
| Open Poetry #15 |
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First Beam of Light (first try at a sonnet?) |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace 
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First Beam of Light (first try at a sonnet?) when I look upon thee thy face it be so fair tranquility in which thy see thou doth not love thee unaware in thine hour we doth depart pray saints hath made heaven move thou carry thee safely in thy heart angels watch thee, thine harm removed wings doth fleet thou feet in thy journey home take ‘morrow thine love doth greet thou very sight, thy heart awakes leave thee now thine moon lit night thy heart awakes first beam of light "...the rest is silence" (Hamlet) Shakespeare [This message has been edited by 1slick_lady (edited 08-08-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Helen Chambers - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
The Form of Sonnet, A varied and widely argued form of writing Poetry. All will agree on the poem having 14 lines. Of this you count well. From there it’s a discussion of format, I like the heroic couplet at the end. You use the thee/thou/thy wording well throughout, Sort of calling for a Shakespearean style. So you’d need to break the lines into groups of 4, And you’d probably want to extend the individual lines to Iambic pentameter.just to please the purist Another thing most will agree to about Sonnets is that Sonnets characteristically expresses a single theme or idea. Here too, you have done that. quite nicely This a very nice sonnet of sorts. But it’s a very nice poem. Anything about the refined style of the fine art of Sonnet writing, Perhaps would best be done over a fine wine As there are books written about the subject. Gloom |
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g-hm Member
since 2001-05-16
Posts 85 |
Anything written about angels catch my eyes. This is very good Helen, I'm proud of you. |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
da-DUM da_DUM I just can’t iambic pentameter way out of my parameter I can do the right rhymes for all fourteen lines ab,ab,cd,cd,ef,ef,gg but the meter I can’t set free just can’t put my thumb on the da-DUM da-DUM life would be so much sweeter if I could count meter but it just makes me sweat so the sonnet…I’ll have to forget thanks for your help as always professor...helen (giggle) |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I have only recently began to write sonnets and it is work! Don't give up, Helen, you have some strong emotion in this one...they take time and well, they are worth it! " I walked beside the evening sea And dreamed a dream that could not be" George William Curtis" |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
As a non purist, I think this is a fine sonnet. And very medievel sounding, which I like.  Sandra |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Very nice, Helen. You are on your way for sure! All writing comes |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
I'm with you on that one helen. . . I just can't find that rhythm either. . . but this is a good start. . . well done my friend. . . ---------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Zinsser Senior Member
since 2001-02-27
Posts 1641Calif. |
I think it's quite good.. I love the Shakespear sound... |
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