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Open Poetry #15
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Love Beneath The Stars
| Open Poetry #15 |
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Love Beneath The Stars |
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia 
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Underneath the light of the moon we dance beneath a diamond encrusted sky our bodies entwined in the realms of passion as our love takes wing and flies Two lovers two hearts one soul so much love A love so strong a love so tender a love so passionate a love everlasting You satisfy my hunger with your delicate touch as you lay me down under the stars Our desires can no longer be denied as you move onto me your strong masculine form encasing my warm and wanting skin Such electricity surges through our bodies as it pleasures us deep within our souls Our love shines like a beacon as it enshrouds us with its glow As the first early morning light appears I am awakened by your warm breath on my skin I turn over to face you as I become entranced by your brilliant blue eyes So much I can read from your eyes and how much I like what I see Soon our needs and desires shall be met as we surrender once again to love and its neverending charms Suetang |
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| © Copyright 2001 Sue Tancheff - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Sounds like a wonderful evening under the stars Sue...James |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
The first stanza seems to big for the next two, Underneath the light of the moon we dance beneath a diamond encrusted sky our bodies entwined in the realms of passion as our love takes wing and flies Underneath the moon we dance beneath a diamond encrusted sky bodies entwine realms of passion our love takes wing and flies it does make it a touch more abrupt when reading, but the next two stanzas are short and abrupt in their nature. The poems sort of expands after that, smoothing. The only other comment, except liking it, Would be the fourth stanza, should be the fourth and fifth stanzas, Split and add a line would be my suggestion there. Gloom |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I loved the "love" in this one, nicely done. ~ To see real beauty you must look with your heart ~ |
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
James Thank you for reading this. Professor Gloom Sorry about the stanzas, I write without any particular formula. Mysteria I'm glad you liked this one. Take care......Sue Suetang |
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Saunni Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 1777West Virginia |
Suetang, wow this is BEYOND BEAUTIFUL! I sooo love this! You Have some great talent here! Really you do, my friend.  Sauni @~~~>~~ |
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
Saunni I always appreciate your comments so very much, thank you. Take care....Sue Suetang |
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