How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Open Poetry #15 Archive
 A Shovel Full of Nineteen
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

A Shovel Full of Nineteen

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
SpitFire
Member Elite
since 04-19-2000
Posts 2428


0 posted 08-07-2001 08:56 AM       View Profile for SpitFire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for SpitFire

She was a shovel full of nineteen, in a designer dress that tore.
A painted sin across a table that held the hands of ancestors and fed hungry men for years.
She was incredible in situations where light could pose a problem,
where exposure could maim a face, under a street lamp,
in a neighborhood well adjusted to the scent of yesterday’s promises.

Her nails were wet, and she glittered against the fate of a terrified man.
He was still searching for the certainty of actions, and she was just wishing he’d notice.
She was a beauty queen and glowing. She’d forgotten how to refuse the sips offered
and he questioned the presence of past.
He talked to himself while she patted pink onto her fleshy cheeks
and lifted her chest through the neck of her shirt.

They shared cheap wine and cigarettes - and looks,
while opinions lingered somewhere by the doorway in the back.
And the smoke that crept, worked it’s way through her hair while she smiled,
while he thought, there where they sat, in a house,...half empty on a hill.

© Copyright 2001 SpitFire - All Rights Reserved
catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 06-03-2000
Posts 9897
The Shores of Alone


1 posted 08-07-2001 09:02 AM       View Profile for catalinamoon   Email catalinamoon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit catalinamoon's Home Page   View IP for catalinamoon

Wow, awesome images, S. This is wonderful
Sandra
Constance
Member
since 07-28-2001
Posts 338
PA


2 posted 08-07-2001 04:44 PM       View Profile for Constance   Email Constance   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Constance

Wow Spitfire, this is great! I love everything from the title to the last word--I can't say enough------------
howpeculiar
Member
since 12-12-2000
Posts 63


3 posted 08-07-2001 04:56 PM       View Profile for howpeculiar   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for howpeculiar

You know, sometimes poets are judged against their own work to a damaging degree.

If I were to read this and think it was a verse by someone else? Probably jump out of my skin and still be clinging to the ceiling right now.

Because it is written by you, I sit still, awed (as always), revisiting beloved lines and feeling them spread through me … but in the marveling hear the rumbles in the back of my head that say, "This is good, this is SO good, My god. … But she can write circles around this piece." … ~shaking head~

The poem:

~
She was incredible in situations where light could pose a problem,
where exposure could maim a face, under a street lamp,
in a neighborhood well adjusted to the scent of yesterday’s promises.

She’d forgotten how to refuse the sips offered

and lifted her chest through the neck of her shirt.
~

See most people find a way to write that takes one voice and puts it into new terms, or gives the reader a different perspective to the idea. With you, it seems you create entirely new ideas, and then cut the words up and paste them back on in forms that I barely recognize as the language I speak.

DO you know that sensation? Reading and coming across a metaphor or conception that surprises you, that makes you stop and peer closer, letting the whole sink in until it covers you and you have to sit back, smile on your face, feeling the stirrings of savored delight and envy? Happens with you every time… as though your eyes are somehow separate from the rest of us, not seeing more, perhaps, but a leaking through of another dimension (if emotion were a physical thing, if vision were a whereness) covering what the rest of us perceive. Happens with Severn quite often as well (although hers are softer and hide themselves in-between craftings of language I know is mine), as though she shares our capacity for observation, but sees something else as well, something BEHIND.

Anyway, whenever I finish ANYthing you write I feel as if I have witnessed, understood more … have felt a sensitivity to another plane…one which I recognize as my own, though I cannot reach it (as though I am shielding, submerged, and blinded by the very thing I wish to see). Sort of like time; it is my dimension, it encompasses all I know of life, but it is perfectly elusive… to continue this analogy because I lack any other way to describe: when you write, you allow me to touch time.

Peace you, and hugs.
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


4 posted 08-07-2001 06:37 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Seems that I keep posting replies today after either you or howpeculiar...and either way my mouth opens but nothing comes out because I feel like it's already been said.

I mean that I really like the way you write...and this paint you put on this life was amazingly real.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


5 posted 08-07-2001 11:51 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

She was a shovel full of nineteen, in a designer dress that tore.
A painted sin across a table that held the hands of ancestors
and fed hungry men for years.
She was incredible in situations where light could pose a problem,
where exposure could maim a face, under a street lamp,
in a neighborhood well adjusted to the scent of yesterday’s promises.
===================================
She was a beauty queen and glowing. She’d forgotten how to refuse the sips offered
and he questioned the presence of past.

============================
They shared cheap wine and cigarettes - and looks,
while opinions lingered somewhere by the doorway in the back.
And the smoke that crept, worked it’s way through her hair
================================

You never cease to kick my poetic butt and blow me away with your imagery...
just the first verse alone had more imagery in it than most 10 poems....
I felt like I was watching these two, you just picked up the reader and put them there,
could smell the smoke...
and the phrases you use...the way your poetic mind works

"She was incredible in situations where light could pose a problem,

sheesh.......how friggen cool is that?? WAY COOL!!
SO are YOU...
AWESOME write me girlie-girl
me


wont you sing me your poetry
wont you take me to your home
wont you be for me forever
so Ill never be alone
youre my dream, its a beautiful thing

redheart angrybraids
Member
since 04-16-2000
Posts 422
honolulu, hawaii


6 posted 08-11-2001 04:31 PM       View Profile for redheart angrybraids   Email redheart angrybraids   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for redheart angrybraids

i loved this
it was like a newspaper, for me, one who could never read the newspaper,
black and white, and worn so quickly,

Kindly,
Redheart Angrybraids

Ethan Halo
Senior Member
since 04-28-2000
Posts 820
on the roof again


7 posted 08-11-2001 04:38 PM       View Profile for Ethan Halo   Email Ethan Halo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ethan Halo's Home Page   View IP for Ethan Halo

this was so mighty....
i was hooked at the first line. what a description.

this is one of those poems that make you say, no matter who you are, "i wish i could write like that."

Everyone's got their demons.
We all got somethin to atone for.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 11-16-1999
Posts 31622
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


8 posted 08-11-2001 04:55 PM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

Enjoyed...James
Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 03-16-2000
Posts 5900
Lansing, MI USA


9 posted 08-11-2001 06:07 PM       View Profile for Lone Wolf   Email Lone Wolf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lone Wolf

Nice to see you here, my friend.  Wonderful descriptive write in this one.  I enjoyed it much.  You seem to write on a higher level then some, so much deeper and  full of rich meaning.  Great job!  Take care, you.  

All writing comes
by the grace of God.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

RSWells
Member Elite
since 06-17-2001
Posts 2607


10 posted 08-11-2001 08:14 PM       View Profile for RSWells   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RSWells

19 held an addiction for me till 29. Newfound maturity rimmed by the vestiges of innocence fringed by lust, it caters to the libido of any man who's breathing its air and has memories I can almost smell even now. Enjoyed.

"Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to decieve"

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


11 posted 08-11-2001 08:39 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

So profound your writing m'dear, I just want to jump in and swim and drink and drink and swim. You're amazing!

Loved every single line and imagery.

Maree  
EagleOne
Member Elite
since 03-07-2000
Posts 2858
Between a laugh and a tear...


12 posted 08-12-2001 01:39 AM       View Profile for EagleOne   Email EagleOne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for EagleOne

Awesome! There you go, have me lost for words again.   Take care!

"Let me pierce the realm of glamour
So I know just what I am." ~ Van Morrison

Jeffrey Carter
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 04-08-2000
Posts 2424
State of constant confusion!


13 posted 08-13-2001 10:22 AM       View Profile for Jeffrey Carter   Email Jeffrey Carter   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jeffrey Carter

What can I say that hasn't already been said? I have grown accustomed to being "wowed" by your words. Although I don't always reply I am always reading. Never stop writing and wowing us with your unique gift.
Decaflame
Senior Member
since 05-11-2001
Posts 1682


14 posted 08-13-2001 11:14 AM       View Profile for Decaflame   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Decaflame


So much has been said of this remarkable piece that I will sound redundant if I even attempt to make a reply, but read it and understand it I did...

what's more, what you have brought forth seems to have given every one else that has read this a new sense on what they, too, could find if they were but to turn over a rock in their own mind...

well done, Poetess...
citizenx
Member
since 07-31-2001
Posts 206
motorcade


15 posted 08-13-2001 06:47 PM       View Profile for citizenx   Email citizenx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for citizenx

HOLY SH…. Crackers  this is amazing,  F..crackering amazing.
Spitfire, the way you paint the scene, language, everything,
taking a n over told story twisting in around breathing volumes of new life in to it.
Well all I can say is CRACKERS. Did I tell you I really like this one.

shadows flicker sweet end tame
dancing like crazy mourners" magazine

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


16 posted 08-04-2004 07:53 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

She was a shovel full of nineteen, in a designer dress that tore.
A painted sin across a table that held the hands of ancestors and fed hungry men for years.
She was incredible in situations where light could pose a problem,
============================


so many times I would read you and say I wish I had wrote this...but so few write like this.
SpitFire will be notified of replies
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Open Poetry #15 >> A Shovel Full of Nineteen Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors