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howpeculiar
Member
since 2000-12-12
Posts 56


0 posted 2001-08-06 09:56 PM


Yesterday
I became the deus of your niece

  Goddess

      Heroine

saving her from worse than death (the eager, rolling tongue of the ocean)
as we crossed one tiny bay
to climb serrated black rocks
and explore the tide pools.

The Covenant of the Holy: “Hold tight. I have to walk
through the water, but I won’t let it touch you. Promise.”

Her small arms,
rigid around my neck:
pure in trust and fear;
which relaxed to turn
two brown reverent eyes to me,
drowning instead, in gratitude and awe.

We poked at snails and sand crabs,
giggled at the clicking feet of Hermit crabs
on our sand-and-salted palms,
learned that sometimes
the dust we stirred was red and alive,
and that the world
was too big to capture in just one pair of hands (or even two).

She kept her distance on the peak of a dune
-- tiny fingers clenching a blanket to her chest, jaw agape --
as I danced in the spray and let the tide rush me to the shore.

We buried her aunt to the neck (and got sand in her ear),
shared peanut butter sandwiches with her cousin,
had a war over cookies and lying down while eating,
fed crackers to the gulls
then growled in our best monster voices to rid of them,
found a seal and parasailors,
walked to the base of a lighthouse and held our arms out to steady our legs
(understanding for once the phrase “dizzying heights”),
filled the car with songs of llamas eating pajamas
and rolling meatballs as we traveled home,
And then,
at their grandmother’s house,
a pallet was made on the floor with blankets
and two snoring slack bodies were laid side by side,
stuffed animals tucked inbetween.

The soften-smile still curling my lip
from watching them breathe, I receded
to the chair in the living room
(that use to be yours when you were hers, and before that belonged to her parents)
and instead of basking --
as I should have, I guess --
in the summer memory of the day, I felt a stinging splash and a sinking.

Thought of how
small
you make me feel,
how less:
as the salt on the ends of my finger, touched to my tongue.

That you never write of me,
but have

pages

     and

        pages

proclaiming
the entire of your soul to one girl,

And the emptying of it
because of another (the same that owned this chair with you).

Of finding,
the one anguished day we drove to your old business and back,
the letter you had written to her only two days before.

Imagine my stupefied grief when I opened Word to
compose a silly, sincere note for you to read the next day
and instead of a blank page:
words that were stamped with remorse and barren pain.

I had barely divided my lips in bewilderment
when you walked back in,
and I closed it,
and swallowed,
and never spoke a word. Until now, I suppose.
I still wish I had had time to read the whole of the letter.
I would rather drown in the long deep of certainty than choke from the harsh
shallow of deception.

Questions dot the cognitive clouds in my head like circling gulls...
Punching sharp, startling cries in the air as I mourn for your past.
The long, white stream of my indifference must be focused on
your previous lovers (that call still, and ask for your name
as if I am only temporary restriction, some storm over their control of you.
I feel the breath in their mouths panting, waiting ...)
guiding them to the safe shores of my forgetting, or tolerance, or both.

I think often of floating in water, or slowly submerging,
and everything is green and green.
But our love feels like a whirlpool,
and sometimes I am the ship fighting its turrets with my sails
and sometimes I am the sea itself, swirling,
as though the water -- not the force -- were the source of power.
And sometimes I am a mermaid trapped in its eye, crushed to the sea floor
waiting to see if you will save or devour me.

[This message has been edited by howpeculiar (edited 08-07-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 howpeculiar - All Rights Reserved
Suetang
Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia
1 posted 2001-08-06 10:20 PM


What a wonderful piece of writing you have penned here, such exquisite imagery was portrayed and I thought it was great.
Take care.....Sue

Suetang

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2001-08-06 10:30 PM



Wow.

SpitFire
Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396

3 posted 2001-08-07 09:48 AM


~Floored! - I am. God, I was soOo wrapped up in this gorgeous account. I was there, watching from a distance the day's events, and then bam! - I didn't expect the impact that hit. - I am aching now. I am swirling in this vortex with colors of love blurring by, _ALL_ of the colors of love. Every damn hue of it. Every ache involved. Every curve and hip. *sigh*. Thank you, for sharing this. *Peace.
howpeculiar
Member
since 2000-12-12
Posts 56

4 posted 2001-08-07 05:12 PM


Sue,
~grins~ I see you walking up, turning me by the elbow, stating that with a brisk, fresh voice and then simply waking away LOL ... the kind of honesty that lifts people and stuns them. Glad you enjoyed; thank you so much.

Sunshine,
*sigh* An (almost) wordless reply ... THAT warms me. Thank you for your simplicity, it gives back a power in response that is sometimes smothered when more words are used.

SF,
~smiles~ Thank you for taking the time to sniff me out.   Never know what to say back to your responses because THEY floor ME.

I admit, I'm proud of this one, I've been in such a writing drought lately I was almost afraid of what I might create; but there it was, not even in my fingertips this time, but just streaming from my head, heart unto the screen (the way it use to, the way it SHOULD be).

It's like I create these and yearn for a certain reaction or understanding and you creep in and say, "Oh, okay, that's what you want? Here." Thank you, for saying everything I want to hear: for listening and for KNOWING.

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
5 posted 2001-08-07 06:00 PM


howpeculiar:

I really can't say it any better then Spitfire ..this captured me, and the trip was like being in your mind and seeing and feeling there, without realizing there were words.  I hope you understand what I am trying to say.  Excellent writing!

PS  Welcome to Passions!

howpeculiar
Member
since 2000-12-12
Posts 56

6 posted 2001-08-07 07:23 PM


~smiles~ Martie, I always make it a point to search for you when I drop in; I so enjoy what you write. And YES I know what you mean! I take it as the ultimate compliment: to know you've experienced without the awareness of reading. *sigh* Fulfils me.

Thank you for the welcome; I won't say it is undeserved, because I may be new to many (though I've been a member for awhile; I am more of a lurker   ). And I certainly appreciate it, regardless. With the time and inclination I have available to me now, however, you'll see much more of me.  

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

7 posted 2001-08-07 07:45 PM


this is a very intense and well expressed write...
awesome detail and imagery...
ditto Spitfires reply here too  
very cool poem
jm

wont you sing me your poetry
wont you take me to your home
wont you be for me forever
so Ill never be alone
youre my dream, its a beautiful thing

snowpants
Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061
KS
8 posted 2001-08-07 07:49 PM


Oh, do I love this...this is an outstanding write...the images and descriptions were so vivid, I felt as if I were there...excellent, excellent job!  I truly love this!  Into the library, definitely...

sp  

it was love that first drew me,
it is love that will keep me here...
now I see love burning brightly
when everything else is unclear...

Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
9 posted 2001-08-07 07:57 PM


This was spectacular!!  You draw the reader in slowly then grab hold of them until the very end.  Wonderfully written tale.  Thank you for sharing this.  

All writing comes
by the grace of God.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

howpeculiar
Member
since 2000-12-12
Posts 56

10 posted 2001-08-08 10:22 PM


~long smile~ Thanks all... regardless of the work I post, or it's mood, you always manage to brighten my day with your replies.
Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

11 posted 2001-09-26 01:16 AM


I've never before looked up anyone's poems on the basis of one post that I read.  You have an incredible talent.  I could read you all night.

[This message has been edited by Duncan (edited 09-26-2001).]

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

12 posted 2001-09-26 04:00 AM


hey you...

this is a broadsword of words--I think the word that comes to mind is "earnest"--truly a hand-hold of a reading, I felt like I'd skipped double-rope with you through the day--gawd I wish I could I do this...

Tracey
Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808
where insanity meets breeding
13 posted 2001-09-26 07:26 AM


This is an amazing piece. I'm left speechless.

If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please?

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