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catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

0 posted 2001-08-06 04:46 PM


She waits for love at gates of steel
with locks rusted from long disuse
she sits beneath the willow tree
too scared to climb to see the views

She waits for he who never comes
with patience born of tragedy
she keeps her dreams close by her side
whilst many pass who do not see

She waits and listens to the wind
it speaks to her in private words
she keeps this knowledge to herself
as she’s the only one who heard.

She waits so long she falls asleep
and as she does, he then arrives
she misses that for which she yearned
as peacefully asleep, she dies.


© Copyright 2001 Sandra - All Rights Reserved
Sunnyone
Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334
Staffordshire, England
1 posted 2001-08-06 04:49 PM


oh.......this is beautiful in it's tragedy.....midieval, and passionate. Beautiful mystical writing as only you can do, and always with the power to move my heart.....

The road goes on forever, and the stories never end...
  
    


shadow974
Senior Member
since 2001-06-21
Posts 636
Michigan
2 posted 2001-08-06 04:57 PM


Her dreams did come true and she wasn't ready for them, perhaps they are together some where, some how.

Throw your heart out in front of you
And run out to catch it.

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

3 posted 2001-08-06 04:59 PM


Sunny is right, this is medievil and wonderful....

" I walked beside the evening sea And dreamed a dream that could not be" George William Curtis"

Kay

Decaflame
Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635

4 posted 2001-08-06 05:05 PM



Just the words I was about to use...medieval is correct....

I would like to see you expound on this one...

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

5 posted 2001-08-06 06:25 PM


this is a bittersweet beauty...
such an aching story...shades of Shakespeare tragic lovers.
well done rhyme flow and imagery
great writing Sandra

wont you sing me your poetry
wont you take me to your home
wont you be for me forever
so Ill never be alone
youre my dream, its a beautiful thing

Sven
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Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
6 posted 2001-08-06 06:25 PM


she is not dead. . . she still has life within. . .

very sad my friend. . .very sad. . .  

-----------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

wpwpoet
Member
since 2001-07-25
Posts 99

7 posted 2001-08-06 06:36 PM


How tragic! and yet I have lived that day, as asleep I dreamed and thus my dream passed away; the irony...
MyEnchanted_Melody
Senior Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 1106
across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be.
8 posted 2001-08-06 06:37 PM




This is soooo beautiful.....heartfelt
And yes......medieval.....that sense of medieval tragedy as all who commented before me said......

A very well done piece Sandra......I simply loved it though I felt its sadness so deep down within.....

Thank you
************************

[This message has been edited by MyEnchanted_Melody (edited 08-06-2001).]

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
9 posted 2001-08-06 07:25 PM


Though this is a tragic piece it is filled with haunting beauty and you penned it in a superb manner and I truely loved it.  The flow is outstanding and it reads aloud very nicely which is always a good sign.
Logan
Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641
Arkansas
10 posted 2001-08-06 09:22 PM


And at a later time, a later age, a later plain..the magic happens..for fate cannot be blocked...very gentle smile
MARK V SHELDON
Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015
In a corporeal internship...
11 posted 2001-08-07 12:11 PM


Maybe it's my warped sense of dark ironic humor, but the ending caught me by complete surprise and I actually "chortled" a little, though there is nothing funny about this piece.  I don't see "medieval";  I see symbolism, and I empathize with some of those emotions and metaphors.  Personally, though, I'd have given it a better ending (I'm a sucker for a happy ending -- or at least one with a little hope...).  Otherwise, this was one sad little depiction which makes me want to teleport over there and tell her, "Hey!  There's MUCH more to life than this...  let's  get out of this place!"

-MVS

-MVS

"When you tell the Truth, you never have to remember what you just said."
--Del Casher

rascalx
Senior Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 590
Florence, SC, USA
12 posted 2001-08-07 12:38 PM


The hopeless romantic in me says "So sad..  " but it's a beautiful poem! The rythym /flow is perfect and really complements the words.
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
13 posted 2001-08-07 01:17 AM


Oh,  how said!!! Makes me think of a song, a favorite one from when I was in the 7th grade...All I Have to Do is Dream

the line..."I'm dreamin' my life away.'

this made me think, I'm 'waitin' my life away.
that's what waiting can do...but sometimes ya just gotta and you gotta keep hope.

Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
14 posted 2001-08-07 03:13 AM


I loved this piece.  There are a few ways to interpret it. However, the bottom line is that "if you snooze you lose", there is always another train    Great job on this one, had to save it.

~ To see real beauty you must look with your heart ~
           ~* Mysteria *~

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
15 posted 2001-08-07 04:12 AM


Sometimes we wait so long that our feelings seem to be dying...James
catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
16 posted 2001-08-07 08:07 AM


Thanks to all who read and gave their thoughts on this poem. Its really meant the way it sounds, that if you wait too long,it may be too late, and your life will  have passed by already. And if your realize it too late, its not a good thing.
Mark..no laughing at my sad poems  
Sandra

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