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Open Poetry #15
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1slick_lady
Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

0 posted 2001-08-02 01:25 PM



No Hesitation


I pray
for time
to slow
yet
how fast
it goes

yes, I wish
I could
freeze time
and in
that moment
call it mine

frozen things
come to
stand still
this hourglass
sand overflows
to spill

I want
the sand
to stop
and wait
but it
flows on
won’t hesitate



"...the rest is silence" (Hamlet)  Shakespeare

[This message has been edited by 1slick_lady (edited 08-02-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Helen Chambers - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

1 posted 2001-08-02 01:31 PM


yes it would be nice at times to stop the flow of time..and capture for our savor a moment... a day...

Nicely done... I enjoyed

Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
2 posted 2001-08-02 01:59 PM


I do like your short line style,
But in the first stanza

I pray
real slow
for time
flies
how fast
it goes

perhaps,


I pray
for time
to slow
yet
how fast
it goes

for the rhyme,
and  maybe that could be
Flowing instead of flows on,
Minor points,
Good write.

Gloom

1slick_lady
Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace
3 posted 2001-08-02 02:05 PM


ty my professor.....done...helen
Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
4 posted 2001-08-02 02:40 PM


Helen, yet again, I relate to your words.  You have such a powerful gift to express so much in few words.  It's a keeper~

Melissa~

g-hm
Member
since 2001-05-16
Posts 85

5 posted 2001-08-02 06:10 PM


Sometimes I think time has passed me by. Then I count my blessings.
mirror man
Senior Member
since 2001-01-08
Posts 814

6 posted 2001-08-02 08:18 PM


I agree.  This is very good.  
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