»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #15
»
Raccoon in my Attic - Squirrel in my Bed
| Open Poetry #15 |
|
Raccoon in my Attic - Squirrel in my Bed |
|
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
|
** I wrote this yesterday after getting a call from a customer that there were raccoons running in her attic and that her husband, after returning from a 40 year high school reunion, discovered he still had feelings for his high school sweetheart and wanted a separation! So I wrote this country and western song and sang it to her.....put a few smiles on her face.  Now, if I can just get rid of those coons....  **I got a raccoon in my attic Squirrel in my bed. Both of them are running wild and messing with my head! Raccoon's driving me insane just like the man I wed.. I got a raccoon in my attic Squirrel in my bed. I got a raccoon in my attic - How he got there I don't know. Squirrel is trying to gather nuts from forty years ago. One won't leave and one won't stay- I'm really seein' red... I got a raccoon in my attic Squirrel in my bed. I've heard that man's an animal who lives for chasing girls and jumps around from limb to limb just like those furry squirrels. I offered him the perfect place where his nuts could be stored but he's in search of other trees he hasn't yet explored.... I got a raccoon in my attic... I can hear him overhead. I wish that I could buy a cage to hold my man, instead. Then he could run the whole night through and not go anywhere... I got a raccoon in my attic and I just don't really care.. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Balladeer--I'll bet you got a smile with this one...seems you go out of your way to be helpful in your job...if you can't get rid of the darn thing, at least you can write about it. PS--I have racoons on my roof and in my pond, in the cat dish and on the lawn. |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Well, even if she isn't smiling over this cleverness, the rest of us are! Perhaps her squirrel will hit a live wire and ZAP... then she'll only have to contend with the raccoons! Too cute! |
||
|
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
That's funny - I was just gonna call you and ask you what to do about chipmunks in the den... you know - those little meece with tattoos???... LOL... I love this one, deer...  |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I'm going to be humming this all day now! Cute one... I'd keep the raccoon and get rid of the man....he's not worth it! |
||
|
Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
This is priceless, sounds like this man remembered where he buried his nuts....  " I walked beside the evening sea And dreamed a dream that could not be" George William Curtis" |
||
|
SmittenKitten Senior Member
since 2001-06-20
Posts 1131where the sky and horizon meet |
hehehe, wonderful!  the poem alone is fabulous but the context of how it came to be makes it even more special. What a kind soul you are ~Krista  P.S. I wrote a poem about raccoons in my house a couple weeks ago...I don't know how to link to it though...but if you're bored and feel like searching for it, it's in there somewhere! Titled: The Raccoon. |
||
Trillium 
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098Idaho, USA |
What a fun poem even if it is inspired by someone's unhappiness. At least you made her smile. I got rid of a raccon under my house once by throwing handfuls of mothballs at it. Maybe it would work in an attic? Betty Lou Hebert |
||
|
1slippery_lady Junior Member
since 2001-07-20
Posts 20Ohio, USA |
This is so cute, really put a chuckle in my day, altough, I do feel sorry for the lady. |
||
|
Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Balladeer, honey this may not make the top 10, but it is number one in my midi mind! This was just adorable. By the way Trillium is right...got rid of a Mother and her family with a bag of moth balls, try it! As for the squirrel, he's nuts! ~ Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance ~And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance ~ I hope you dance. (Lee Ann Womack) |
||
Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Balladeer~ I know that you can handle that Rocky Raccoon It's that squirrel in the attic that's gonna cause the gloom Hope she does appreciat'er talented exterminator ! Just how much do you charge for, an exterminator to die for ? What a life !  *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
||
|
Dulcinea Senior Member
since 2001-07-22
Posts 774IN |
That was very thoughtful of you...seems you will have better luck gettin rid of the coons than she will in caging that squirrel! poor lady! ~~the song was a hoot tho! |
||
|
azblond Senior Member
since 1999-07-01
Posts 637The Steamy Desert |
Ya know it's almost 12:30 in the morning here and I am laughing til my side hurts, my husband woke up and I called him a squirrel cuz he wouldn't listen to your song. My 7 year old daughter wandered in, and I read it to her, but she can't for the life of her figure out why Mom's cracking up and said if anyone is squirrely it's me. I so loved this, and I hope the dear lady gets rid of the squirrel, heck keep the 'coons! Let my words fall first upon deaf ears before a closed mind... |
||
|
vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Balladeer- This is great! What a sweetie you are to have written this to give her a smile. Thanks for sharing the smiles with the rest of us. hugs, ~vicky "...until you have read the verse on his |
||
|
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
This is hilarious, Michael! Soooooo funny! |
||
|
wandering glider Senior Member
since 2001-04-04
Posts 501aloft |
hehehe, funny stuff! Now how about one for "a bat in my belfry"? zzeeesh! Need the details? \\ |
||
|
doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
raccoons have those big long tails and squirrels can be swift... those rodents can reek havoc with some eyes which tend to drift....! chipmunks come and chipmunks go, it never fails, it's true, exterminators often spray, so *sigh*, guess nothing's new! a country song can have a spouse which leaves for new terrain, and often there are only droppings left -- that's all remains...!! and sometimes when you play that tune backwards on the tape, you're hired back, your spouse returns, to spite his great escape...!! but i say just let well enough alone, and let him go.... since rodents can be rodents, and leaving's appropos! -------------- hehe *winksmooch*... thanks for the inspiration ... LOVED this, my 'deer Poet... later, hopefully your customer will be glad to have exterminated the louse....  |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Martie...you got real problems!! I'll be right over! Sunshine..obviously her squirrel IS a live wire! It's shocking! Thanks for enjoying..Nan...chipmunks in the den?? hmmmm..well, don't play chess with them.. deVine...rumor has it she is trying to teach the raccoon how to cut the lawn Irish Rose... ROTFLMAO!!! kitten...I thank you, Krista...I'll look for it! Trillium....hmmm...could be but it reminds me of the man who said to get rid of mice push steel wool in the holes and the housewife said "But how do you keep their legs open?" 1slippery_lady...one person's misfortune is another's chuckle...such are the ways of life, I suppose....I thank you Mysteria...OK! OK! I'm convinced! Mothballs it is! (and tops on your midi list is much better than the top ten, anyway Marge....How much do I charge? You can handle my fee. Although it's quite large For you, dear, it's free!! Dulcinea...I do believe you are right I'm very glad you liked it azblond...to make a person's sides hurt from laughing has to be the greatest tribute a poet can receive! THANK YOU!!! (as for your hubby, he'll be sorry when it hits the top of the charts! )vicky...and I thank you, dear lady. Any 'coons in Phoenix? Denise....hehe..I can picture the smile on that face...thank you!!! glider...bats in the belfry? That would be a snap!! I'll do it as soon as I get rid of the butterflies in my stomach Doreen....back from vacation...and in good form, I see! Chipmonks came and go - exterminators will always spray - and there will always be droppings. Yep, that covers it! Love the poem |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
