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Open Poetry #15
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ocean of grey
| Open Poetry #15 |
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ocean of grey |
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**lost** Junior Member
since 2001-07-16
Posts 32ma |
washed away ocean of grey cold of the static experience redefines life lost, knowledge gained. even you prove ignorant when you are your only enemy. every second you parade around, blanketed by a daily facade, a little piece dies. unrealized, unrecognized, all together irreplaceable. grey tidal waves of doubt consumed and drowning in your own salty tears. emotions and life washed away, by a never ending ocean of grey. confused among strangers, |
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| © Copyright 2001 Joline Dupras - All Rights Reserved | |||
Snow
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170desert flower looking for rain |
wow, there was alot of emotional release in this read. well done. snow |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
packed with emotion... nice word play in this... I enjoyed! |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
Always comes back to point of view and choice of focus -- on the positive aspects or on the negative facets... both surely exist, but is the glass half empty with regrets or half full with possibility? -MVS "When you tell the Truth, you never have to remember what you just said." |
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Great Below Junior Member
since 2001-07-17
Posts 13Massachusetts, USA |
Beginning and ending with the same phrase can be dangerous. You pulled it off well by exploding several ideas at once creating a collage of views and larger topics broken down to a few concise words. The only problem I have with this piece is the fact you ended this line "even you prove ignorant when you are" with the word are. The way the line is structured makes for a clunky read, you almost have to go back and digest that fact before you can continue. Breaking that line into two would improve the flow such as "even you prove ignorant" as the first line and "when you are your only enemy", something like that could work better in terms of how it reads. Overall great read with many ideas splashed onto a brilliant canvas of beautiful colors and shapes. |
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