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Open Poetry #15
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brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland

0 posted 2001-07-18 03:44 PM


For Dawn


she left her hand imprints
powdered serene blue,
below a solstice moon.

She left her hand imprints
Whispering love lines
Of our destiny entwined.

She left her hand imprints
threading torn loneliness,
with the tides of her bliss.


"Here I am in prison,here I am with a ball and chain There is whiskey in the jar-o" Traditional irish song.

© Copyright 2001 brian madden - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

1 posted 2001-07-18 03:47 PM


nice imagery and form Brian... I enjoyed
catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
2 posted 2001-07-18 03:47 PM


Very nice, Brian. Effective emotional write.
Sandra

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
3 posted 2001-07-18 03:50 PM



Brian-
   Very nicely penned..
   Really enjoyed reading this.

   hugs,
   ~vicky


"...until you have read the verse on his
heart, you have not truely met the poet."
-vlraynes



serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

4 posted 2001-07-18 04:05 PM


at first I thought she'd slapped you!!!   But it's early yet, isn't it? LOL..

She should love this one Brian, beneath a solstice moon...what are you guys doing for Lammas anyway?

Lady In White
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799
USA
5 posted 2001-07-18 04:09 PM



Brian...if Dawn doesn't like it....just know that there are others who do....

this is wonderful, and has a heartfelt quality....

Ah yes...

some more, soon, please....

SpitFire
Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396

6 posted 2001-07-18 07:59 PM


~Well lookey here. *Peace Brian, this is special.   .
wandering glider
Senior Member
since 2001-04-04
Posts 501
aloft
7 posted 2001-07-18 08:19 PM


"with the tides of her bliss."

Nice line

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

8 posted 2001-07-19 12:02 PM


powdered serene blue,
below a solstice moon.

She left her hand imprints
Whispering love lines
Of our destiny entwined.
=========================

Ahhh the "romantic fool" muse returns  
this is lovely in both phrasing and intend.
me thinks there are some heart imprints as well *S*
beautiful Bri...truly
eve

When your own emptiness is all thats getting through
There comes a point when youre not sure why youre still talking
I passed that point long ago

poutprincess
Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735
Perth, Western Australia, Australia
9 posted 2001-07-19 02:58 AM


...she loves this..you constantly amaze her. maybe one day she will find her voice again and serenade you in such a beautiful way.
~Dawn

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

10 posted 2001-07-19 06:00 AM


lovely.

No crit. It really is lovely Bri. (Ok one thing - not comfy with the last line...the whole bliss things...sounds rhyme-forced with imprints...)

me shut up now..

K

I am a refugee of logic...insisting
on unlikely land with every step.


brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
11 posted 2001-07-19 03:15 PM


Cpat, thanks.

Sandra, thank you kindly.

Vicky, thanks.  

Seren, LOL, maybe but I ain't saying a poem about that would be in adult. LOL. YOu know shame on me I am going to have to research Wiccian beliefs, seeing as it has celtic orgins. Thanks  

Lady, I am praying that she does, and if not then we are going to have to have a few words. More? well my muse and I are kind of at each others throats at the moment. Thanks.

SF, blushing, you caught me being emotional.


wandering glider, thanks.

Jan, OH She left a BIG IMPRINT there.   thanks.

Dawn, well my intended audience is here. You have a sense for my romantic thoughts. Of course you do when they are calling your name. I am waiting patiently for her voice, and until she does she is going to made very guilty by all the poetry being written for her.   My thanks come in private

K, I see your point, when my muse lets me I will fix it. Thanks.


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