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Open Poetry #15
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Seymour Tabin
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since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

0 posted 2001-07-18 07:43 AM


Seven Bells

Seven bells I heard today
Above the lilies lay
Seven thoughts of mournful wake
That passed my heart in rake.

Bells that carry memories shoal
Passed sorrow to my soul
Played upon my every sense
Until it rang intense

Rang across the valley’s lie
Rang loud in mourners cry
Sent me back to former bliss
Now lost to the abyss

Miss of touch and loves delight
Throughout the day and night.
Things that go with livings flow
Those things of granted sew.

Lost into the wind their name
When bells and lilies claim.



© Copyright 2001 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2001-07-18 08:19 AM



Ah Sy....perhaps that is why we try so hard to carve a care into the nitches of dare...

perhaps...

and yes, if that line suits you, use away...

well done, our Sy....

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
2 posted 2001-07-18 08:23 AM


Thank you sweet Sunshine. *L*
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

3 posted 2001-07-18 08:29 AM


very nicely written Seymour...

leaves me pondering past occaisions when bells and lillies claim


RSWells
Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533

4 posted 2001-07-18 08:41 AM


Eventually the bell tolls for us all and if we lived the sort of life we should have then their will be others in our wake who think of us in ringing reminders. Enjoyed.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

5 posted 2001-07-18 09:15 AM


Seven thoughts of mournful wake
That passed my heart in rake.

Bells that carry memories shoal
Passed sorrow to my soul
Played upon my every sense
Until it rang intense
==========================
Sent me back to former bliss
Now lost to the abyss

Miss of touch and loves delight
Throughout the day and night.
Things that go with livings flow
Those things of granted sew.

Lost into the wind their name
When bells and lilies claim.
================================


Your talent shines in every line of rhyme divine,
and this one touches me in places deep.
heart hugs sweet Stinky.
me

VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
6 posted 2001-07-18 09:41 AM


You know this is good, that has been reinforced by those before me, but I need help; there are two lines I don't understand. Each has a word used differently than I've ever seen and I'd like your help.

The line with the word rake at the end and the one with the word sew.  I'm feeling like it's not a dictionary thing but an interpretation that I'm lacking.  Would you mind helping me? Pretty please.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
7 posted 2001-07-18 09:58 AM


Cpat Hair,
That's what was intended, Thanks.

RSWells,
Exactly, thank you.

JM,
Love you too. Winkiewinkie Stinky

VAS,
If your skin gets raked it usually draws blood, well in this it's a phycological rake that draws sorrow. Sew in this case means things you've done in the past. Thanks for the read and comment.

Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA
8 posted 2001-07-18 01:20 PM


The lonely sound of far off bells echoing the memory of those who have come and gone.  That’s where this one took me.  I bow to you and yours.  Peace!
Interloper
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369
Deep in the heart
9 posted 2001-07-18 01:30 PM


Well done, Sy.  Sometimes passing is noticed where there are no bells or lillies.  I like your version better  
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
10 posted 2001-07-18 02:41 PM


Andrew,
It took you to the right place, thank you.

Interloper,
It was intended to soften, thank you.

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