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Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

0 posted 2001-07-17 09:34 AM

The night passed
On slopes gradin side
In colors grey

Moon’s face
Had in gradual way
Made its path
Across starlit sky
Turning black
To less
And moving shadows
In circular dance

I observed this
While waiting
For my heart
To find me
And once again
Beat in this chest

I observed this
But could not feel
For you took that
With you when
You left

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

1 posted 2001-07-17 09:37 AM

profound wanting, aching here

powerful!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

2 posted 2001-07-17 09:40 AM

Cpat Hair,
Interesting, enjoyed the read.

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

3 posted 2001-07-17 10:51 AM

heart taken away
will find it's way home again
feelings shall return

Lady In White

Member Elite

since 2001-02-12

Posts 2799
USA

4 posted 2001-07-17 11:04 AM

what a lovely use of verbiage...it sets the whole scene, and the images then bring one in to see the longing left behind...

well done Sir...a beautiful write...

MARK V SHELDON
Member Elite

since 2001-06-21

Posts 3015
In a corporeal internship...

5 posted 2001-07-17 11:47 AM

I especially like the imagery here:

Moon’s face
Had in gradual way
Made its path
Across starlit sky
Turning black
To less
And moving shadows
In circular dance

You provide a vivid set-up for the punchline at the end. Powerful emotions represented here.

-MVS

"When you tell the Truth, you never have to remember what you just said."
--Del Casher

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

6 posted 2001-07-17 11:50 AM

Thanks all!!!

The poem was written with a little help from a friend... and it is greatly appreciated.

[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (edited 07-17-2001).]

MyEnchanted_Melody
Senior Member

since 2001-05-30

Posts 1106
across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be.

7 posted 2001-07-17 12:15 PM

I observed this
While waiting
For my heart
To find me
And once again
Beat in this chest

====================

Your heart would beat again
forgetting all memory of past pain.

An enjoyable touching read with a somewhat haunting touch.......

Thank you
****************************

ThUnDeRkYsS
Senior Member

since 1999-09-23

Posts 727
Wisconsin

8 posted 2001-07-17 11:14 PM

Funny how they do that, isnt it?? Nice write my friend.

Strive for higher levels, if they seem out of reach... Grow, and they will get closer.

Suetang
Member Ascendant

since 2001-03-07

Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia

9 posted 2001-07-17 11:21 PM

This was so hauntingly sad but so beautifully written. Take care....Sue

Suetang

Tiersdin
Member Elite

since 2000-11-17

Posts 2364
east coast

10 posted 2001-10-26 07:18 PM

beatiful, beautiful, beautiful!

~Tier

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

11 posted 2006-10-25 01:38 PM

and I remember when Ron walked among us giving us little gifts of words...

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

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