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Open Poetry #15
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

0 posted 2001-07-16 10:27 PM


Night dusts the sky
Scenting it with stars
And hanging the moon in the center somewhere.
Dreaming of a night where the waves don't crash against hearts.

Night kisses the world around us
Encloaking us in shadows
Figures less than noticed
Dreaming of a night where hearts won't drown in the swell of waves

Night demands the silence of sunshine
Linking us to our desires once again
And we like hidden truths meld together
Dreaming of a night where waves don't fall so harshly on these subtle sands.

Night becomes daylight again
Abandoning tears like an overworked power.
And I am trying to start over
Dreaming of a night where the waves of thought,
Don't drown my heart in the subtle quicksands of life.



© Copyright 2001 Jennifer - All Rights Reserved
Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
1 posted 2001-07-16 10:31 PM



Right at this moment, it's difficult for me to say exactly why this touched me deeply, but it really did. As always, I relate to your words and enjoy the way you express emotions.  Well done, the last verse summed it up powerfully!~

Melissa~

Logan
Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641
Arkansas
2 posted 2001-07-16 10:31 PM


NOW THAT!!! is very very good, gentle one. Besides, the reference to the waves always gets to me as you know..very gentle smile
Saunni
Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 1777
West Virginia
3 posted 2001-07-16 10:42 PM


Temptress, I can so relate. You did a wonderful job expressing this, and better than I ever could.  

Sauni

Sauni :)
Have you ever known the color grey when the nighttime finds you weak
I have, I've walked that road each time; that's where my angel sleeps

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
4 posted 2001-07-17 02:40 PM


Night demands the silence of sunshine
Linking us to our desires once again
And we like hidden truths meld together
Dreaming of a night where waves don't fall so harshly on these subtle sands.

Jenn, beautifully written.

Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
5 posted 2001-07-17 03:16 PM


Melissa,
I'm glad you can relate, and that you enjoy them so thoroughly. That is most of what I ask when I write..to be able to make other see something..feel something.

Logan,
Sweet One..its always the waves, eh? Thank you. I can see by your response that this one particularly touched you. That makes me smile just as much as you do.

Saunni,
You have to be kidding, right?   I've read your stuff!   I'm sure you could do better, but thanks!  

Brian,
Thank you so much!   I'm glad you found a favorite part too!   Makes me know I didn't do so badly!


Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

6 posted 2001-07-17 04:19 PM


Dreaming of a night where the waves of thought,
Don't drown my heart in the subtle quicksands of life.


Interesting passage here... like the image of thought being quicksands of life....

Nicely done


catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
7 posted 2001-07-17 07:02 PM


I like this a lot, especially the longer last lines, that seem to sum up the feel.
Good stuff.
Sandra

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
8 posted 2001-07-17 07:04 PM


this flows very well. . . I like the longer last lines as well. . . they make the thoughts whole. . .

wonderful. . .  

-----------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

ThUnDeRkYsS
Senior Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 727
Wisconsin
9 posted 2001-07-17 10:55 PM


Very nice, funny how it seems that as soon as darkness falls, so do our emotional walls within and the thinking about bothersome issues always seems to prevail.  Liked this one much.

Strive for higher levels, if they seem out of reach... Grow, and they will get closer.



Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
10 posted 2001-07-18 07:18 AM


Night dusts the sky
Scenting it with stars
And hanging the moon in the center somewhere

How beautiful your words of loneliness and pain in this well written piece
Well done
Liz

Janette
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-07-20
Posts 2843
Chicagoland for now
11 posted 2001-07-27 07:43 AM


"And we like hidden truths meld together"

I especially love that line...but then the entire poem is beautiful...it made me smile.

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