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Open Poetry #15
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The Old Man...
| Open Poetry #15 |
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The Old Man... |
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FireDancer123 Junior Member
since 2001-06-14
Posts 43Virginia |
*****alright guys.. I'm gonna try my hand at this longer-poetry stuff.. let me know how I do..***** The old man, he had red eyes, And a bandana rolled into a headband Over his head And his braided gray hair. His jeans were faded and had holes in the knees. He'd been high for a year once, he claimed, And I believed him because it was a nice thought. The old man told me stories of concerts, And protests. He'd throw his hands up sometimes and laugh When I had trouble digesting it. His birthday was pulled out of a bag once, And he had to run away to canada Before the draft zombies got him. His forehead wrinkled at the memory, So I smiled to reassure him. We laughed and we cried, But one day he died, And I thought that he deserved more. It was years later that I found the note Tucked away in the denim jacket He gave me when he first got sick. I couldn't wear it sooner While the memory still hurt. It said- "Some will say that I had lived my whole life in the past, But the life we live is just so short, and I chose to make the best part last. Don't ever change yourself for others. Be young and free and have a blast. Until the Heavens fall, Charlie" I tucked the note inside my pocket, And took a walk into the night. It didn't matter if half his stories were made up. His good intentions made them right. *Barefeet and Greengrass* "If you've never stared off into the distance, then your life is a shame." - A.Duritz |
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| © Copyright 2001 Kelly - All Rights Reserved | |||
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FireDancer123 Junior Member
since 2001-06-14
Posts 43Virginia |
The idea of writing longer is really new to me.. not quite used to it yet, but getting there. I really need some feedback on it though. Reassurance, critique, anything. Don't mean to sound desperate, but I'm trully curious as to how it sounds in someone else's head. *barefeet and greengrass* "If you've never stared off into the distance, then your life is a shame." - A.Duritz |
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Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
Hello there....an interesting read, more along a prosey sound than free-verse, but still, a good read. |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
I like it alot it may be prose, more, it's a marvelously tender story, for certain |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Well.. I like stories..and telling them in a prosey poetic sort of way... this fits the bill as a well told story.. |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
A most delightful read. I liked how you put the rhyme in the midst of your story in the form of the old man's note. My favorite part was that half the stories were all made up. When we get older our stories do get exagerated a little for sure...... |
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Flutterwings Member
since 2001-07-10
Posts 288Maine |
A great story and the Old Man wrote quite well himself. He was a poet, I wonder if he ever knew it? A great write! It left me with a warm feeling. My  to you! ((~.~)) |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Interesting read. I don't normally read the "long" ones ... short is my forte and preference ... but I liked this  |
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