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Open Poetry #15
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Snow
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since 2000-10-16
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desert flower looking for rain

0 posted 2001-07-14 09:39 PM



barren

lonely
even the tears
have gone elsewhere, searching
for a place where it's not empty
echo

"Trace my body with your words
and in doing so, you touch my heart"
Snow

[This message has been edited by Snow (edited 07-14-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Snow - All Rights Reserved
Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
1 posted 2001-07-15 12:42 PM


What a picture perfect cinquain, and that is barren alright, well done!

~If you have a choice to sit down or dance, I hope that you dance~

VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
2 posted 2001-07-15 01:49 AM


WoW!!! That is the epitome of lonely!!!
inot2B
Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205
Arkansas
3 posted 2001-07-15 09:43 PM


The word barren has a hollow sound. Only one who is barren knows how empty it is.
Snow
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since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170
desert flower looking for rain
4 posted 2001-07-15 10:53 PM


Thank you for the comments on this piece.
And although I am not Barren, I'd like
to think I captured this feeling, as a writer...that, would be my goal.

Again, thank you.

"Trace my body with your words
and in doing so, you touch my heart"
Snow

Poeminister
Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862
Regina SK; Canada
5 posted 2001-07-16 02:57 PM


Snow--

You capture the barren feeling very well with this cinquain.  

Its good to see you back at Passions.


Cpat Hair
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Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

6 posted 2001-07-16 03:13 PM


yes very nicely captured... powerful image...
I do not enjoy the feeling, but do enjoy the talent to present it so well...


Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
7 posted 2001-07-16 08:34 PM



Wow - very well expressed, how I relate!

Melissa~

wandering glider
Senior Member
since 2001-04-04
Posts 501
aloft
8 posted 2001-07-21 12:07 PM


This form works well for this topic, doesn't it?
Nicely done.
Every line speaks of "barren".
      

       \\
~=====}:
       //

Snow
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170
desert flower looking for rain
9 posted 2001-07-21 02:31 AM


Poeminister, thank you for the welcome back as well as the comment on this piece!!

Cpat Hair, Oh thank you so very much!! Your comments have just had me wearing one huge smile all day!

Melissa, *hugs* I'm sorry that you can relate to this. Thank you for your comment!

wandering glider, yes, this form is perfect for so much. Since I really like to use as few words as possible it works well for me.

thank you all,
Snow

"Trace my body with your words
and in doing so, you touch my heart"
Snow

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

10 posted 2001-07-26 09:21 AM


yes..still as good with time as it was when first read...

This truly a very nicely presented image and emotion...

BloomingRose
Member Elite
since 2000-08-09
Posts 3092
Florida
11 posted 2001-07-26 11:08 AM


Oh I like this.
Well done!  

Deb

kaile
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since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
12 posted 2001-08-01 04:54 AM


this cinquain reminds me of a haiku i have read before

winter

so cold~
even the monkey
needs a coat

your poem stirred similar feelings in me as when i read this haiku

kaile
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Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
13 posted 2001-08-08 12:50 PM


i know i read this but its nice to read it again
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