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Open Poetry #15
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VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon

0 posted 2001-07-13 11:42 AM


I wish I could post this with the same font I have here, it is so cool, for the theme of this one.

Slithers In
Virginia Salter


hatred comes in
slithering silently
weaving its way
into your thoughts
your actions
your very life
bringing death to any semblance of love
as its venom
drips from its bite
into your sinew, your blood
carrying with it
a yeast that grows
filling all cavities
permeating all flesh
until it subdues
overtaking all that is good.
listen diligently for a rattle,
a warning, of its very nature;
pray for discernment

© July 24,  2000



© Copyright 2001 Virginia Salter - All Rights Reserved
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
1 posted 2001-07-13 11:54 AM


The image and thoughts you present here are excellent in my opinion. I love this. It describes very effectively how hate can sort of sneak up on us and take control.

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

2 posted 2001-07-13 12:03 PM


powerful images VAS... strongly written.. I enjoyed


Decaflame
Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635

3 posted 2001-07-13 12:04 PM



I would only offer one change, that being "yeast" to "poison" or a like word...you took me from "snake" to "bread" and I was a bit put off from that....

not put out....just off....

and this is just a suggestion....

SmittenKitten
Senior Member
since 2001-06-20
Posts 1131
where the sky and horizon meet
4 posted 2001-07-13 12:07 PM


What a perfect image!  This was so well written    great poem
~Krista

VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
5 posted 2001-07-13 12:41 PM


thank you all, and Deca...I understand your words, but I chose yeast because of its very nature, to grow with nothing more than a little heat to feed it...also sin/hate and related are said to grow, like leaven or cancer, in scriptures, so yeast is what I wish to retain.  Thanks for your thoughts, though, very much.
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