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Open Poetry #15
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Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989


0 posted 2001-07-12 02:10 PM


A reflective mood I was in that day
you said I looked like I had lost my best friend,
and at the exact moment that you said it
I could feel the tears welling up again.

I'm trying hard to let go of that pain
I know I must put it in the past,
I need to start making new memories
ones I can treasure and that will last.

Sometimes it is just so hard to forget
those things that have caused me pain,
and all to often I cry in this sorrow
my tears fall down like steady rain.

I do feel like I've lost my best friend
and most days I don't know what to do,
I just wish that you would realize
that the best friend I've lost......is you.


On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free.
~Me~

[This message has been edited by Gentle Spirit (edited 07-12-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 dmsmith - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

1 posted 2001-07-12 02:12 PM


I'm not sure I have a title to suggest...

but I do like the poem a great deal..

very nicely written...


VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
2 posted 2001-07-12 02:28 PM


How about, "Like Steady Rain"?


do you want any critique on mechanics?

btw, I really like the poem, I was totally surprised at the last line which I'm positive was intended.  Very well done!!!!Truly!!!!

Lighthousebob
Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725
California
3 posted 2001-07-12 07:53 PM


Maybe...... uh?

something like....."Between Friends"

because, I hope nothing comes between you....   -Bob

destiny502
Member
since 1999-11-23
Posts 57
OH
4 posted 2001-07-12 08:05 PM


oh im no good at coming up with titles but i really like this and of course i can relate to the feeling of losing a best friend. its almost as if he doesnt care or even notice that our friendship is so different now.

Love can sometimes be like magic, but magic can sometimes..just be illusion

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
5 posted 2001-07-12 08:53 PM


Gentle Spirit - a writing that says of your loss. I can suggest the following title,
'The Hurt Within'....

BC

snowpants
Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061
KS
6 posted 2001-07-12 09:35 PM


I won't have a suggestion for a title, as that is NOT my strong point... ...I will just say that I was really touched by this write, GS...great work...

sp  

it was love that first drew me,
it is love that will keep me here...
now I see love burning brightly
when everything else is unclear...

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
7 posted 2001-07-12 09:45 PM


how about just. . . "lost"??

well done GS. . . but sad. . .  

-----------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

RSWells
Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533

8 posted 2001-07-12 09:51 PM


Tossed around your lost and found
Sabriel.s.h.lover
Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 73
b.f.e. aka- Hickville
9 posted 2001-07-12 09:55 PM


wow, i feel sad now. very sad poem. but good nonetheless.
~sabriel

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