How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Teen Poetry #5 Archive
 A Question of Being
 1 2
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

A Question of Being

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
deadeyes
Junior Member
since 11-07-2001
Posts 34


0 posted 09-09-2002 08:26 PM       View Profile for deadeyes   Email deadeyes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for deadeyes

The appearance of dawn came to me
as I stared into the morning view.
There wasn't a single soul in sight
an occurence that doubted my mind.
The glass fields looked damp
windows were opaque
birds were rounding suburban streets
as cables were preparing for a busy day.

I felt the need to take a walk
i've been lounging all morning.
It was three in the afternoon
and I needed some time to reflect.
I couldn't recall the starry night
my vision would fade into numbness.
I studied at children playing in the playground
as their parents picked them up from funerals.

The appearance of dusk came to me
as I stared into the violet sky.
People were arriving to normalcy
as lights began to reincarnate.
I went to the store to get my supper
but some bizaree thought came into me.
All I remembered was that I entered a black eye
and couldn't blink my way out.

Unexpectedly I see people gather up
they were in grief and sorrow.
I shrieked for an explanation
but nobody retaliated.
I left my scene into the headlights
as I arrived into my shelter.
The clock read eleven pm
as I fell into the lost hours.

I woke up the next day
as I opened the door to pick up the paper.
The things I read were the usual subject matter
but one headline dired me.
I took a stroll on the park
as the masses passed next to me
and I comprehended my being
I was now a personage of memory.

"Silencio..no hay banda..no hay orquesta."
"We hear a band yet we don't see a band". It is all a recording."
"Silencio. It is all an illusion".

© Copyright 2002 deadeyes - All Rights Reserved
Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 11-02-1999
Posts 752
Torrington, Ct, Usa


1 posted 09-09-2002 09:11 PM       View Profile for Kevin   Email Kevin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kevin

We'll deadeyes, thats a very depressing name by the way deadeyes, but like your poetry here is full of imagry.  Many times in this poem I got very specific feelings and images in my head.  Baring that in mind, I think if you work on your economy of language, and try to trim out alot of the fat in this...which at times reads kind of prosey/journaly, I think you will really have something special on your hands

take it easy
kev
deadeyes
Junior Member
since 11-07-2001
Posts 34


2 posted 09-10-2002 06:59 AM       View Profile for deadeyes   Email deadeyes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for deadeyes

Yeah you're right in the trimming out some lines..but I dunno I think my journaly type lines I wanted to make them on purpose..kinda change the style I usually do as well as many people..this person i'm talking about had a fascination with obsserving but couldn't study his own self and well the not so clear hidden meaning to it. Thanks for your criticism.

"Silencio..no hay banda..no hay orquesta."
"We hear a band yet we don't see a band". It is all a recording."
"Silencio. It is all an illusion".

deadeyes will be notified of replies
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Teen Poetry #5 >> A Question of Being Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors