»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #5
»
Tried a poem that doesn't rhyme, any comments are needed, thanx.
| Teen Poetry #5 |
|
Tried a poem that doesn't rhyme, any comments are needed, thanx. |
|
|
ShadyMakaveli Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 128 |
To live life hold nothing back You shouldn't have any regrets Be true to yourself There's nothing you can't do For the world is at your finger tips Confidence will carry you far Uncertainty leads to failure Know what you want Take charge, aim high Don't settle for less Accomplish your goals At whatever the cost |
||
| © Copyright 2002 ShadyMakaveli - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
This is bordering on a cliche hallmark-esque write. Actually it is. It is good to write inspirational poems, but you need to shy away from things that have already been said. The rule is usually if you've heard it before, don't use it. Hope to see you try this without the cliches. Good luck. Casey |
||
Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I agree with Casey. You lost my attention after the first few lines. Few people want to hear the same cliches repeated over and over again. The poem lost it's focus in the cliches and it has potential without cliches. Looking forward to a rewrite- ich bin schwul, ich bin jüdisch und ein Kommunist dazu, Ich bin schwarz und behindert, doch genauso Mensch wie du ~Wizo |
||
|
ShadyMakaveli Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 128 |
thanx for the responses, i'm very new to this whole poetry thing, and am trying to learn as much as possible, thanx for the tips. |
||
|
deadeyes Junior Member
since 2001-11-07
Posts 33 |
Yeah this sounded like one of these classes where they try to give you morals that you're supposed to know by common sense. Yes it needs work..but don't confide on people to tell to it's perfect or not. Keep writing for yourself until you realize that your work is getting better.Then people like us can appreciate your work..but still not say it's good or bad. Anyways, don't worry aobut the cliches too much..even if ppl don't say cliched words doesn't mean they don't write about cliched themes..example poetry aobut llove. I say that if you write a poem on love,make it extremely original, because many people will say "O it's nice"..but that's it..it isn't amusing. So don't worry..many writers may have written much mroe than you but they still repeat themselves..and that's what's really wrong. "Silencio..no hay banda..no hay orquesta." |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
