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The Hypocrite
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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The Hypocrite |
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anya Member
since 2002-07-27
Posts 393London, UK |
Your lilting voice, that soft Irish tone so often used in prayer, Your voice a harsh scream bouncing of the walls, stripping away the joy of others, Those hands loving holding your rosary, quickly making the sign of the cross, Those hands that grab at the nearest bottle and push me violently away Such beautiful eyes, looking dutifully skywards towards the heavens, Such cold eyes, full of hate, looking through me, round me, anywhere but at me, So I am tired of your hypocrisy, People say we look so alike but I am sure there is nothing of what you are in me |
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| © Copyright 2002 Anne Hegarty - All Rights Reserved | |||
Skyfire 
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I don't do very well at critiques, but I did find the last stanza to be out of sync with the other stanzas. If you could get the last line shortened down, and keep what you want to say in there, I think it would go better. That's just my opinion though. Otherwise, I like it. The contradictions are well written, and they fit perfectly.  |
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anya Member
since 2002-07-27
Posts 393London, UK |
yeah reading it again i can see what you mean, I will try and think of a way of changing the last line slightly, was really more of a vent so it is not tecniquly very good |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Even if a stanza was out of sync i thought this was a great piece. I liked how you showed both sides to the person jus like all things has 2 sides to it. Very well written. thanks for sharing Sometimes I get so weird |
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