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Teen Poetry #5
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Godsend_1
Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 247
great state of illinois

0 posted 2002-08-30 12:00 PM



discomfort
cann't describe it
simply pain that doesn't hurt
icey defeat
life isnt the same
where am i going
lost and confused
pain that hurts to much to be pain
it must be something more
though i have no recognition
of this pain i have always never felt before
alone and disillusioned
life is all over the place
and i have yet to move
stuck in the same place
since the dawning of time
spilling my soul
out for you to read
slow roasting since my first cognitive thought
and this is what
i am reduced to


© Copyright 2002 Ben Redshaw - All Rights Reserved
knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
1 posted 2002-08-30 12:29 PM


wow ben, this was -so- strong. youre writing has grown since i last read from you. and i like it alot. think you did very well on this. sometimes.. i feel the same way. keep writing.

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"Words are windows to the heart."

Savage Quiescence
Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326
Wandering
2 posted 2002-08-30 09:13 PM


And so the Great Ben Redshaw returns. *Bows* Now if you would only learn to email people... *cough*

Anywho, super huggles! Good write here buddy boy, I agree with Tiff, your writing is really improving over time and it's super spiffy. Keep in touch this time, kays?

Lots of Luvvles
Ali

"Whatever life brings, I've been through everything, but now I'm on my knees again" -Creed

never_a_princess
Member
since 2001-06-09
Posts 82
Show Me the Money
3 posted 2002-08-31 12:31 PM


Well, that's odd. Bennerz, posting? :P I liiike it. It's short, but to the point. Although, it's very illusioned in that I could say I feel the same way sometimes, but I don't necessarily understand all the different paths you want this poem to take. It's really well written, buddy. I especially liked:
"though i have no recognition
of this pain i have always never felt before"
(mostly because of the way you used "always never," and I quite enjoyed that)
-as well as-
"and this is what
i am reduced to"
(very lovely ending, nice way to draw it all together and bring your mind to a close, halting thoughts)
Luv ya *hugz*
__o0o_AnnA_o0o__

Friends r angels who lift u 2 ur feet when ur wings have trouble remembering how 2 fly.
Stumbling blox can b stepping stones if u allow them 2 b.

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
4 posted 2002-08-31 12:41 PM


life is all over the place
and i have yet to move
'stuck in the same place
since the dawning of time
spilling my soul
out for you to read
slow roasting since my first cognitive thought
and this is what
i am reduced to'

We should all be so reduced....
I enjoyed this much.


punkrockerrobin
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180
Sparks, NV
5 posted 2002-08-31 02:13 AM


wow benny boy i loved it!! it was really awesome!! email me sometime

you either like me for who i am or you don't like me at all

Jenn Cirrincione
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
6 posted 2002-08-31 03:47 PM


Not bad, truely. This felt scattered all over the place, and contradicted itself- but in a good kind of way. Nice.

Jenn

Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving?

marmaladeskies
New Member
since 2003-01-17
Posts 2
Missouri
7 posted 2003-01-17 08:39 PM


i miss you.
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