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Riley
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since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-08-28 07:51 AM



deep into your eyes
a vast fault lay
waiting for someone
to close the gap

waiting around
has made it worse
hurting even more
ever day to year

finally you meet
someone you waited for
how to tell them
you really care

you walk over and smile
smiling back they turn
talking you both
dive into conversation

times grows forth
feelings surge
wishing you knew
how to tell them you care

give them a smile
let them know
you think about them
everyday

give them a glance
let them know
they are wanted
by a heart

give them a nod
and let them know
you care
about them

i love you

in not so many words


<3 No guy is worth your tears, and when you find one that is, he won't make you cry <3

[This message has been edited by Riley (08-28-2002 07:52 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 Riley Grant - All Rights Reserved
Allysa
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since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden
1 posted 2002-08-28 10:40 AM


Wow.  You really blew me away.

However, I would like to suggest a title change.  Long titles scare me, and this kind of ruins the ending because the entire time that the reader is reading this poem, they are waiting for the line "I love you in not so many words".  It takes away from the last two lines and I think that a simpler, different title would work really well with this.

Anyway that was just a suggestion.  Great job!

ich bin schwul, ich bin jüdisch und ein Kommunist dazu, Ich bin schwarz und behindert, doch genauso Mensch wie du ~Wizo

Riley
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038
in the pouring rain
2 posted 2002-08-28 06:59 PM


Yea, I thought so to but that was just an idea I put up there and it just stuck I guess. Ok thanks again.


Ri

<3 No guy is worth your tears, and when you find one that is, he won't make you cry <3

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