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Teen Poetry #5
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branden726
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607
Bay City, MI

0 posted 2002-08-22 05:50 PM


The sun is yellow,
The clouds are white,
The sound of you gets rid of my fright,
Your karma surrounds me,
Making me bright.

Your the perfect girl for me,
Open your eyes and you'll clearly see,
Im willing to change to make "us" happy,
Ive made my mistakes and I have payed,
Now let me make my repays.

Ive been a jerk,
Ive been controlling,
Ive been everything I never wanted to be,
Now ive realized and I have paid now plz be with me untill my dieing day.

Info: I would like you guys to know this is not the person I used to be. This is not how I ever wanted to be and I tried SOOO hard that in trying to not become inconsiderate, a jerk, controlling, I became it and Im on the verge of loosing the best person thats ever falling into my arms ive been with her since I first came to Pip way back when it had another name and she was the reason I started to write and she is the reason I am writting now.

Thank you Lisa, Even though you wont read this Ill always love u babe.

All you other poets beware my true feelings and poetry are about to flare!
~*~Branden~*~

© Copyright 2002 Branden Jacobs - All Rights Reserved
Savage Quiescence
Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326
Wandering
1 posted 2002-08-22 08:28 PM


Hmmm, this could be better with more structure. If the syllables per line were more consistent, it would flow better. But I think you have a poem with a lot of potential here, so do not stop writing!

~Sky

"Whatever life brings, I've been through everything, but now I'm on my knees again" -Creed

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