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Teen Poetry #5
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Spine Grinder
Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

0 posted 2002-08-18 10:12 PM


Why do I feel
like all my feelings,
have up
and left me- gone.

Once upon a time
I had a love,
that was like a perfect
picture- drawn.

I don't know
what to think,
since those harsh words
were spoken.

Ever since
that day I've felt nothing,
my body just feels
like its broken.

Where do we go
from here,
what else
is there to do?

Is this the end
of us
are we finally
through?...

~Ur feelings never change, u just learn 2 hide them~

© Copyright 2002 Staci Weidner - All Rights Reserved
Savage Quiescence
Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326
Wandering
1 posted 2002-08-18 10:21 PM


I think this could be better if you kept the number of syllables in your lines more consistent. It might flow a little better that way, but other than that, I think this is very strong. Thanks for sharing!

~Sky

"Whatever life brings, I've been through everything, but now I'm on my knees again" -Creed

Skyfire
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
2 posted 2002-08-18 10:40 PM


This one works for me Thanks for sharing!
skyshine
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars
3 posted 2002-08-18 11:08 PM


I know this, how you don't know what exactly is going on after a fight. Nicely expressed. Hugs.

~Beth

You look inside my wild mind
never knowing what you'll find
still I want you all the time
yeah I do
'cause you get me
~Michelle Branch

Spine Grinder
Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...
4 posted 2002-08-19 10:41 AM


thanks 4 the replies

~Ur feelings never change, u just learn 2 hide them~

vixengrl04
Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495
East Haddam, CT
5 posted 2002-08-19 02:03 PM


I liked how the stanzas were short and simple, yet you could still see the meaning within the poem.  It reminded me of a young child, innocent and pure, questioning something so painful.  Very nice job!

Always,
Nikki

     *~Fighting for your love~*
    *~Is something I cannot do~*
   *~I'm not good enough to win~*
*~And I'm not strong enough to lose~*

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