It has been one of those days

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LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

0 posted 2002-08-17 01:29 AM

It has been one of those days,
When father time elopes with my thoughts-
And before you know it, Helios retires to his den
His golden chariot being seized by the dark backdrop
And then, as if to compensate, time just stands still
And all I can do is think about yesterday….
Never tomorrow
Until slowly, I just surrender to the despair
And let my thoughts plague my mind
Forgetting that the sun will rise again
Only dwelling on the black that is surrounding me
And finally, when I have paid darkness its ransom
The sun rises once more,
And leaves my pain for moonlit shadows

[This message has been edited by LCBS (08-17-2002 01:05 PM).]

skyshine

Member Elite

since 2002-02-07

Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars

1 posted 2002-08-17 12:37 PM

This is very descriptive, Lisa!

~Beth

You look inside my wild mind
never knowing what you'll find
still I want you all the time
yeah I do
'cause you get me
~Michelle Branch

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

2 posted 2002-08-18 07:54 PM

I found the end to be much more attention-catching than the beginning, but it was good, too. A good write, indeed.

~Sky

"Whatever life brings, I've been through everything, but now I'm on my knees again" -Creed

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

3 posted 2002-08-18 11:36 PM

I enjoyed it as usual, but I felt that the beginning and the end didn't really go together somehow. I'm not sure how to say it, but I know what I mean

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

4 posted 2002-08-19 01:49 PM

I also think that the ending was stronger and more powerful than the beginning, which is not to say that the beginning was bad (it definitely wasn't!), just that it's a little bit unbalanced. But I do very much like this piece, and it seems like there is a deeper meaning within it. This was very good!

Always,
Nikki

     *~Fighting for your love~*
    *~Is something I cannot do~*
   *~I'm not good enough to win~*
*~And I'm not strong enough to lose~*

Nazera29
Junior Member

since 2002-08-14

Posts 34
Connecticut

5 posted 2002-08-19 11:58 PM

this poem makes me sad, i feel like i want to just hug you

but wow, its a powerful piece and i do agree that there is a difference between the beginning and the end, so maybe you can make this into two poems? or just add in a little bit of the flavor of each section into the other... ok, im rambling... but i liked it, almost as much as i like you

*We are the hero in our own story*

Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

6 posted 2002-08-20 09:44 AM

should you feel bad when your little sister writes over your head?

:P

LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

7 posted 2002-08-20 09:52 PM

no, but when she starts talking over your head you are screwed....

oh wait...

Just kidding, love ya kev

Smiles and Cries
Junior Member

since 2002-08-23

Posts 16
Newrk De

8 posted 2002-08-24 02:12 AM

Wow i really relate to this its exactly how ive felt today

Have u ever Loved somebody so much it makes u cry? Have u ever needed something so bad u cant sleep at night? Have u ever tried to find the words but

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