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Teen Poetry #5
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Otaku
Junior Member
since 2002-08-13
Posts 39
Western Australia

0 posted 2002-08-16 06:46 AM


Beat.

My heart
Beats.

My heart beats
Furiously

As I run with
Haste and the

Cluttering

Of the ground before me.

Run.

Running so fast
From the

Psychotic phantom

From
Behind.

Whisper.

The wind swifts
In my hollow soul and

Whispers

Silent words of

Horror...


But suddenly,

Suddenly,

Suddenly, I feel a
Tremendous


Grip
Forced
On
My
Shoulder.

Pain.

I cry, as the
Hand of the

Phantom

Stabs my flesh.

Cry.

He grabs my
Neck with

Murderous intentions
And with a

Breath of
Death.

Daringly,

I slowly open my
Eyes to
Unfold the mystery that
Has haunted
Me

For so
Long.

And then...

And then...

And then...

With the entirety
Of my soul,

I SCREAM.

Scream.

Heaven has
Cursed me with
What I
See Before
Me.

I SCREAM.

And with one last
Glance of His

Bleeding Eyes,

And with a
Defining

Swipe of his
Blade,

My fear and
Screaming,

And the memories of my
Childhood and

Innocence


End.


© Copyright 2002 Otaku - All Rights Reserved
Otaku
Junior Member
since 2002-08-13
Posts 39
Western Australia
1 posted 2002-08-16 06:51 AM


hey everyone...

just one question.....what does a flashing folder mean? there's one next to my 'Recognize' poem...

thanks

paper doll
Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty
2 posted 2002-08-17 12:36 PM


Very interesting. Normally there is a line that repetition should be stopped at but you've really used it well here. On first reading it seems a little overworked by by the fourth time you can see how it is essentially to the theme.
I do like this. You have worked into this piece many facets of a mad man and his effects on a human being. Very descriptive and well done.

Thanks for posting.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

Savage Quiescence
Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326
Wandering
3 posted 2002-08-18 07:48 PM


The flashing folder represents that the work is your first originating post. So welcome to Passions!

I agree about the repetition, once I got into the poem, I recognized how much desperation it added, at least in my mind's eye. A strong write, and a very good ending. I will be watching for further work by you!

~Sky

"Whatever life brings, I've been through everything, but now I'm on my knees again" -Creed

vixengrl04
Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495
East Haddam, CT
4 posted 2002-08-19 02:24 PM


Wow, I definitely found this to be really powerful!! I like how you separated the piece into short lines, alternating with longer ones.  It made me read it as a series of pieces rather than one whole piece, and I liked that alot.  The longer lines seemed to be more accentuated on.  Yeah, you did a really great job with this!! Great work!!

Always,
Nikki

     *~Fighting for your love~*
    *~Is something I cannot do~*
   *~I'm not good enough to win~*
*~And I'm not strong enough to lose~*

Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa
5 posted 2002-08-20 10:05 AM


This poem was meant to be read online, the scrolling down of the page reveals the words as you intended imho

I like the pace of this

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