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anya
Member

since 2002-07-27

Posts 393
London, UK

0 posted 2002-08-15 08:50 AM

Oh man, how did you get me like this?
You've seeped through my skin
Permeated my mind.
I'm sure that is you I can feel in my bloodstream,
Being pumped around,
Rushing to my head,
Making me dizzy,
Satisfying my withdrawal symptoms,
Bringing me higher.
Why do I let you take away my time?
All I can do now is spend my spare seconds daydreaming about everything you do,
Wondering when I will get my next dose of you.
In other words you got me hooked,
Your like a cigarette, I yearn for you constantly
but I know your the worst thing for me,
You take me to the depths and then dig deeper
And yet you still make my heart race,
Your touch makes my hands shake,
I crave for you.

[This message has been edited by anya (08-15-2002 10:04 AM).]

LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

1 posted 2002-08-15 11:50 AM

Another great one Anya, you took something very cliche {the whole you're in my blood} and add such a creative flare!!!

I loved these lines

"You've seeped through my skin
Permeated my mind.
I'm sure that is you I can feel in my bloodstream"

great...

~Lisa

Nazera29
Junior Member

since 2002-08-14

Posts 34
Connecticut

2 posted 2002-08-15 02:37 PM

i really like how you say
"I yearn for you constantly
but I know your the worst thing for me,
You take me to the depths and then dig deeper
And yet you still make my heart race,
Your touch makes my hands shake,
I crave for you."

because, wow, that just puts in perspective the way I've been feeling. relationships are like addictions, and the smartest people in the world still can give into those cravings. You really inspired me, now if i can only write my feelings as well as you did....

great job
~Jessica

*We are the hero in our own story*

paper doll
Member

since 2002-08-04

Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty

3 posted 2002-08-16 09:40 AM

This reminds me of a relationship I had once...except it was with an illegal substance.

You've done a nice job with this, anya. Good exploration of the theme with a decent back-up of imagery. Well done.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

Otaku
Junior Member

since 2002-08-13

Posts 39
Western Australia

4 posted 2002-08-16 09:43 AM

hey anya, nice comparison with drugs....since love can be addictive and detrimental towards our health...

keep it up!

"Demon slain, the deed is done...."

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

5 posted 2002-08-17 12:31 PM

This one really works for me. I've been there more often than I'd like. I did have one suggestion though. Perhaps if you took the line, "I crave for you." and took the "for" out, it might sound better. I don't really know, but it just sounds like improper English to me *shrugs* I still like the poem though.

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