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Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

0 posted 2002-08-14 12:59 PM


Hi guys, I don’t normally do things like this but I would like to ask you a favor.  This poem is centered on the battle with depression I went through about 6 months ago.  I ask that you please take the time to read this whole thing though it is rather long and really try to process every word.  For those who have been there it will I hope be comforting to know someone else has, and to those who haven’t, it might open your eyes to someone close to you who has a problem.  Thanks, and please tell me what this meant to you as it means a lot to me.

Have you been there?

Beware if you haven’t
This brisk moving pageant
Can whisk you with hands that
Throw you in the corner
Of your mind and mourner
With no more
Intentions
Than just moving foreword

There’s no foreword

Just a novel
Idea
That you’re suddenly there
In a place where you stare
At the things that you fear
In the face
And they trace
Round your mind
Like the gears
That are grinding your life
To a sharp abrupt halt

It’s my fault

You repeat
To the beat
Of your heart
Of your vault
Where you lock
Up the pain
With these walls
Of concrete
And it rains
Every day
Only where
You can see
So you pray
To a god
You believe
Has no say
In your life
But just may
Help you get
Through the day
While you sit
Staring down
At your feet

And sometimes
You just cry
You know why
But you don’t
And you wont
Let yourself
Picture how you could die
But you do
It’s not new
Just to you
So you’re scared
Cause your closer
Than most are
To taking your life

But who knows?
Only you
Can see through
Your façade
Though a few
Say that you
Have been acting
Quite odd

I am fine
You reply
Flashing signs
Through your eyes
Thinking why
Damn it why
Do I break down the lines
That these people keep throwing
I keep them from knowing
Just how far into me
This thing has been growing

Until you cant take it
No more
Can you fake it
You make it
Break down
Hoping that you can shake it
By screaming out loud
That you're dying inside
And was wearing a shroud
And the whole time had lied
To yourself
And your friends
And your family too
Thinking that
If they knew
They’d be
Ashamed of you

Only then to realize
In the look in their eyes
That no matter what happens
They’ll always love you


So they go get you help
And things start to get better
And you feel yourself
Start to overcome weather
Inside of your head
Into bright sunny skies
Then the day comes
When you can look back with own eyes
And be thankful its over
And you made it through
So that you will be able
To help those like you

Thanks guys,
Peace


[This message has been edited by Kevin (08-15-2002 02:47 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 Kevin Bednarz - All Rights Reserved
LCBS
Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532
Connecticut
1 posted 2002-08-14 01:12 PM


[This message has been edited by LCBS (08-14-2002 01:13 PM).]

Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA
2 posted 2002-08-14 01:17 PM


yo, what's up kid? I tihnk we've all been there before. Glad to hear that you're better now. The important thing is to remeber that there are those who love us and whom we love. Powerful poem and with a great flow (I'm not a big emminem fan, but the flow kind of reminded me of "The Way I am" )

Check out my poetry here:


http://www.unknownpoets.com/db/authors/master


anya
Member
since 2002-07-27
Posts 393
London, UK
3 posted 2002-08-14 01:43 PM


I don't quite know what to say, rarely has a poem spoken to me like this one has, I have read it four times now and I do not doubt I will read it again, you are not the only one to have been there, I went completly off the rails when I was about 14 and did lots of stupid things and sunk into a deppressive cycle, but hey I got help and began to sort myself out and am now alot happier than I was.
But anyway back to the poem two bits in particular spoke to me, firstly 'There's no forward', I know that feeling, like there is nowhere left to go, no way to continue.
Also 'start to overcome the weather inside your head', that is so well put, describes the feeling perfectly.
I loved it all, I'm sorry if I gushed a bit here but hey this just spoke to me.
I haven't had the courage to write about my own depressive peroid, I can't seem to put it into words.
Well done and thankyou so much for sharing this piece
Anya

knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
4 posted 2002-08-14 01:47 PM


wow, this was very deep and meaningful. the message behind it, as you said, is an important one and you portrayed it very well. -still- while keeping a great flow and rhyme scheme. this one is going into my library. we've all been there. im thankful you found your light out. keep writing.
tiff

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

Falling, Stars of Dreams.

Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa
5 posted 2002-08-14 01:49 PM


Thanks for the input guys,

anya that foreward line actually has a double meaning

it does mean it seems like theres no future, but also the whole foreword/novel appeal I was going for

As if to say...theres no prelimanary preperation for what happens

like a foreward to a book

your just suddenly there
it happens all at once

I hope that doesn't get lost on people

But im glad you could connect with it

*~p.r.i.n.c.e.s.s.~*
Junior Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 38

6 posted 2002-08-15 03:01 AM


Hey, I agree with anya on this. Beautiful. I have never read a poem like this before. Not one that made me feel like that. I just wanted to cry for you. I know what you went through and so do so many people out there. I hope you're over this though. Anyway, great poem.
Love,
~*~Brittney~*~

LCBS
Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532
Connecticut
7 posted 2002-08-15 11:42 AM


bump
mistic
Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.
8 posted 2002-08-15 01:12 PM


This basically put words to the exact emotions I was feeling earlier this year... however I never got help, I was lucky enough to have it sort of fade away as I got out of school. But I must say that this hit to the very core of me. Awesome job here, in fact so awesome it's going into my library... I loved all the metaphors that you wrapped it up in.
mistic
Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.
9 posted 2002-08-15 06:26 PM


forgot to add it earlier....
Spine Grinder
Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...
10 posted 2002-08-15 11:37 PM


wow dude i totally luved this, i could relate 2 it so much, i agree with master about the whole eminem thing goin on, this was a awesum and powerful piece, great job!!

~Ur feelings never change, u just learn 2 hide them~

Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa
11 posted 2002-08-16 09:28 AM


Ty kindly guys,

I'm glad so many could identify with this,  See ya round the blue
kev

paper doll
Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty
12 posted 2002-08-16 09:56 AM


Glad to hear you came out of it, Kevin. I'd say more but I'd rather not.

Thanks for sharing.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

Otaku
Junior Member
since 2002-08-13
Posts 39
Western Australia
13 posted 2002-08-16 10:56 AM


Kevin, i don't know you..but i know exactly what it was like to be in a deep, deep depression.  It grows and grows inside until you just collapse on your bedroom floor.....that hurting feeling inside that just eats away your soul...and the morbid thoughts that endlessly parade the night..

thanks for sharing this poem...it took a lot of courage to do so and you have our respect!

"Demon slain, the deed is done...."

Skyfire
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
14 posted 2002-08-17 12:34 PM


"It’s my fault

You repeat
To the beat
Of your heart
Of your vault
Where you lock
Up the pain
With these walls
Of concrete
And it rains
Every day
Only where
You can see"


"I am fine
You reply
Flashing signs
Through your eyes
Thinking why
Damn it why
Do I break down the lines
That these people keep throwing
I keep them from knowing
Just how far into me
This thing has been growing"

Oh my goodness... I never realised that other people went through the same things... Thanks for this, Kevin

DancinQueen
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA
15 posted 2002-08-18 03:13 PM


*sigh* i missed you

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

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