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Teen Poetry #5

voice of an outkast

laconic
Member

since 2002-02-17

Posts 64
Melbourne, Australia

0 posted 2002-08-10 10:34 AM

my loneliness taunts me
with sorrow in its eye
it knows my longing for affection
yet i'm weak and shy
where once i was headstrong
bold and ready for it all
my lonliness has conspired
and now all of this is gone
what to do i ask myself
i hear no reply
whom shall i turn to i wonder
and i hear myself sigh
there is nobody who can help me
when i dont really know whats wrong
simply that i am lonely
and not ready to belong.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-08-10 10:37 AM

This has a good flow about it.  I felt myself caught up in the fluid motion of your words.  It's good to be able to do that without having a focal meter scheme.  Nice work.

The choice of words was also simple, yet profound.  It takes a lot of discretion for a writer to pull back on the unnecessarily dramatic lines and such.

You seem to have a good sense of what's important to the point of your poem.

Oh, and I also like the title.  Except for the use of "k" in "outcast..."

Parasite

anya
Member

since 2002-07-27

Posts 393
London, UK

2 posted 2002-08-10 10:52 AM

'and not ready to belong', i liked that line alot, a good twist,
anya

lifeslight
Junior Member

since 2002-08-06

Posts 15

3 posted 2002-08-11 01:47 AM

Nice, and remember most of us are teenagers here. I have a friend who is shy and doesnt talk to people much because he seems parenoid. Remeber man, you and the world thats it, dont worry about what people think.....

laconic
Member

since 2002-02-17

Posts 64
Melbourne, Australia

4 posted 2002-08-11 09:05 AM

lol thanks for the advice lifeslight, but to tell the truth i'm not really shy and paranoid, this was just a 'one of those days' poems

paper doll
Member

since 2002-08-04

Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty

5 posted 2002-08-12 05:14 AM

Interesting. I could connect with it well. It read through really well with no broken sections like rhyme tends to have.

Thanks for the read.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

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