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Teen Poetry #5
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Cinderelly
Member
since 2001-12-31
Posts 189
NM, USA

0 posted 2002-08-04 08:54 PM


A crush can last forever,
but so can a broken heart.

A stream of un-ending tears,
a dream that will never come true,
you'll never get the clue.

The lyrics of a song about sadness and heartache,
feel like deja vu.

A wish upon a star,
I wish for you.

As said before,
a crush can last forever,
but exists only with a heart so blue.

+ Suggestions? I wrote this a couple of years ago and just found it . . . What do you think? +


© Copyright 2002 Jamie - All Rights Reserved
Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
1 posted 2002-08-05 11:25 PM


great rhyming scheme
I believe it should be "crushed" though
but still an appreciated read
thanks

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?
Nelly Furtado é a menina a mais bonita no mundo largo do todo.


IKNAP
Junior Member
since 2002-05-19
Posts 47
Torrington, Connecticut
2 posted 2002-08-06 01:52 AM


wow i dont know what to say!! thank you i guess for starters... that poem is exactly my feelings. it is what i have been trying to say all along. you finaly took the words i have been trying to say and said them THANK YOU SO MUCH

"The Fat Man Walks Alone"

Skyfire
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
3 posted 2002-08-06 02:08 AM


I like it... I feel that it might flow better if the second stanza were somehow turned into two lines instead of three, but that's just my opinion. It's good the way it is too
anya
Member
since 2002-07-27
Posts 393
London, UK
4 posted 2002-08-06 05:31 AM


if i was you i wouldn't touch this one I think it works great just the way it is, really liked it thankyou
anya

Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa
5 posted 2002-08-06 11:35 AM


The lyrics of a song about sadness and heartache,
feel like deja vu.

Love that line

Savage Quiescence
Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326
Wandering
6 posted 2002-08-06 01:14 PM


I really like this one, too. I would suggest leaving it alone. My fave line was..
"A wish upon a star,
I wish for you."
Very sweet...

~Sky

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