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Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

0 posted 2002-08-01 10:47 PM

Saving daisies, craving larkspur,
I alone was yellow once--
Forty miles beneath the garden
It's been days since I've been down.

Starving mindflow to its stretches,
I alone was destined once--
Trimmed desire and painted hedges
with the ruby lines of lust.

In their fleeting, fearing travels
holes are only careless once;
after cleansing dusted edges,
they'll light afterthoughts of love.

(Merry hearts cannot escape
without a passenger or box)

Saved the larkspur, left the daisies
on a flight I'd traveled once.
Now I run--will something freer
find its feet within the dusk?

"Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions."
~David Borenstein

Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

1 posted 2002-08-02 12:14 PM

I liked it!

jk lol

hi
I'm kinda slow sometimes so I had to read this three times, and look up a few words

but when I was done I think I understood it

Starving mindflow moved me
I've so been there
No slaughter this time
Looking foreward to your next
bye

Kandi
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 354
North of Hell

2 posted 2002-08-02 12:31 PM

This was very beautifully written. I'll admit i had to read it twice through to make sure i got the message (you're just too advanced for my minute intellect!) but I'm glad i took the time to look at this one mroe closely. Very well done - am anticipating ur next post!
K

The day you were born, you were born free
That is your privilege.

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

3 posted 2002-08-02 12:37 PM

Oh, Carly, I hate you.

I never get your poetry, it makes me feel so stupid every time I read it...lol

I think you rock girly, and even tho I never quite get your work- I like it anyway.

Nice seeing you again

Jenn

Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving?

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

4 posted 2002-08-02 09:30 PM

"Starving mindflow to its stretches,
I alone was destined once--
Trimmed desire and painted hedges
with the ruby lines of lust."

Nothin' to slaughter, babe. You don't mind that do you? I call everyone babe. Wow, I don't even know you though.

Anywho.. hmm.. where was I? Oh yes, "I liked it".

No really.. I usually don't like poems in Teen (no offence you guys), but I really REALLY enjoyed reading this. It definitely had much more to it than just the typical, basic, and in my opinion boring poetic voice. It actually made me pause a moment and go "hmm.." Yummy.

"if you know me so well then tell me which hand do I use?" Tori Amos

[This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (08-02-2002 09:32 PM).]

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

5 posted 2002-08-05 02:50 PM

Kevin - Why must you tease me so?

Glad you got something out of it.

Kandi - A closer look is all I ask for. Thank you for reading my mind.

And thanks for the compliments.

Jenn - Ohhh hi.

I love being hated! Ha! Okay not really. Makes me feel bad actually..oh well

I'm glad you like it..we should talk. I miss you.

DE - Thank you...your reply is of great value to me. I love your poetry...As for the babe thing, it's fine. Makes me feel speshul (even though I'm one of many).

Thanks again you guys. You keep me going.

~Carly

"Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions."
~David Borenstein

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

6 posted 2002-08-06 05:35 PM

Wow, as usual your work is astoundingly beautiful, I just loved reading every single word, I look forward to reading more of your work soon

"If you are afraid of wolves, stay out of the woods"

J.V. Stalin

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

7 posted 2002-08-06 11:38 PM

Very nice! Enjoyed your unique voice! I really liked the way the second stanza sounded. It flowed great. Hope to read more.

lil_diabla
New Member

since 2002-08-07

Posts 6
Alabama, United States

8 posted 2002-08-07 12:20 PM

that is a nice poem

Alicia
Member

since 2002-03-22

Posts 279

9 posted 2002-08-07 10:44 AM

~Your title drew me in. The work itself has held me here. Enjoying this voice. *Peace.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

10 posted 2002-08-09 09:21 PM

I definitely think this is one of your best achievements since I've seen you start writing. You obviously are starting to find what magic had faded from your earlier works.

It's good to see you picking up the pieces again, and writing poetry that has substance to it. This was a very entertaining read with perfect flow and good structure. Nicely composed, Carly Anne.

Parasite

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (08-09-2002 09:26 PM).]

paper doll
Member

since 2002-08-04

Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty

11 posted 2002-08-10 09:03 PM

Amazing. Simply amazing. Your stanzas read so very well and the cuplet was definitely a great idea to throw in there. It completely slows the pace of the piece down and make you take a breath only to be thrust into the final stanza. Loved the repetition and the overall meaning.

Thank you for posting this and sharing it. Much enjoyed.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

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