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you won
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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you won |
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anawnda Member
since 2002-07-26
Posts 113
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you won, I should pat you on the back\ and congratulate you you ego inflates; this heart crumbles. you won. tear-stained cheeks & determined fists I still hold the spade I forgot to put out. I was wrong, you never had a heart. you are just like him. I admit, you won *********** i dont know if this is good or not but pls be gentle w/the comments k???? |
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| © Copyright 2002 anawnda - All Rights Reserved | |||
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anawnda Member
since 2002-07-26
Posts 113 |
ey need you insights!!!!! |
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anya Member
since 2002-07-27
Posts 393London, UK |
I do like this especially the first three stanzas, well written anya |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
There are a lot of grammatical missteps here, and it would be much easier for the reader to understand if you cleaned it up some. At this point, I don't know exactly what you are trying to say, because I am trying to decipher your words. Try proof reading this and seeing if you catch any mistakes. And you may not catch them because it is hard to catch them in your own writing. If you do look, I would be more than happy to point them out. It will definetely improve the poem. Also there are spell checks out on the internet that may be helpful if needed. I hope you do look this over, because there is probably potential under it all. Looking forward to reading your revision, Casey If all you want is emotion, go down to walmart, buy yourself a diary and hide it in a drawer where no one can see... |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
I like this because I can relate to it. Oy... nice job on it. Jenn |
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LilTai Member
since 2002-06-08
Posts 189United States |
I actually really like this. You speak with honesty, and the way in which it is written gives off a sense of defeat, but you still keep your pride. I'm not sure how to describe what I got from it...It is very good though. Great job. And I can also relate to it... (I'd ignore clve527, in every reply to everybody, she seems only to care about the grammar in poetry, which to me makes no sense..the way the poet writes her (or his) own poetry, and the grammar she (or he) uses, makes the peice individual and gives the reader a clear veiw of the poet's own voice. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but (lol) it makes sense in my head. You wrote something with talent and with meaning, and it is definately worth reading. I don't mean to offend anyone, just my personal opinion) Good job with this  Tai |
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anawnda Member
since 2002-07-26
Posts 113 |
thanks guys and pls try checking some of my other works!! * you can hurt me...with your bare hands,or |
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