Things Just Aren't What They Seem

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Teen Poetry #5

Things Just Aren't What They Seem

PnkBoxergrl
New Member

since 2002-07-24

Posts 3

0 posted 2002-07-24 10:06 PM

You make me laugh,
teach me things,
and buy me everything i want.
What more could a person want, You ask?
Just look inside your heart.

I laugh at others,
you taught me to take what I want,
and you buy me clothes and give me moneywithout work.
What more could a person want, You ask?
Look inside your heart.

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

1 posted 2002-07-24 11:53 PM

The poem is looking good. However, I believe that you have ended it too soon. A couple more stanza's would not hurt.

Ronil (A mask for everyday. Imagine a life without them.)

PnkBoxergrl
New Member

since 2002-07-24

Posts 3

2 posted 2002-07-25 12:02 PM

Thanks, thats actually what I wanted to hear. I didn't know if I should go into more or if it sounded ok...now that I read it again I think you are so right.

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

3 posted 2002-07-25 12:05 PM

I really liked how you went from vague to detailed, but I do agree with that comment; more stanzas would make it much better.

Nao

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