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Teen Poetry #5
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Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

0 posted 2002-07-19 02:25 AM


The blackened room stood faceless around dancing pale blue shapes
That twisted fluidly along a faded carpet floor
A ballet of the moonlight and the swaying window drapes
Whose rhythm showcased practice of the summers years before
Welcomed imperfect silence gave the night identity
As buzzing fans and crickets summoned peaceful midnight snores
And I held taught my breath to take in the serenity
Of summer nights bewitched by all the magic of the shore
Then letting it out slowly I rolled over on my side
Kicked off constricting covers to the salty ocean air
Closed my eyes in hopes that sleep would then become my guide
To dreams that when I woke it would be to you resting there

© Copyright 2002 Kevin Bednarz - All Rights Reserved
Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA
1 posted 2002-07-19 02:39 AM


I liked it a lot, but the last line sorta tripped me up a bit... i think it might a little too long! Just my two cents..
Nice to see you back!

Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa
2 posted 2002-07-19 02:42 AM


I Thought so too at first but every time i re read it, it sounds fine to me

I never left consequently, ive just been over in open

But good to see you again kid, thanks for the feedback
peace

Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA
3 posted 2002-07-19 03:27 AM


Yo, I went back and reread some of the stuff I've missed... dude, you're awesome... Leanne and Blazed were really cool. There were others that i really liked, but can't recall the titles. I've been sort of having a writer's block lately, but i'll post some stuff i wrote at school later on.

Peace,
M

Check out my poetry here:


http://www.unknownpoets.com/db/authors/master


SavingGrace
Junior Member
since 2002-05-31
Posts 26
not yet found
4 posted 2002-07-19 10:34 PM


awww i really liked this. i wish i knew a guy that lived near me that could write like this and actually knew how to put thought into something besides getting in your pants. and ur cute too on top of that. great write. i really like your format. interesting and i cant wait to read more!

~*Grace*~
You wouldn't be so concerned with what people thought of you if you only knew how seldom they did...

[This message has been edited by SavingGrace (07-19-2002 10:34 PM).]

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