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Teen Poetry #5

Sacrifice Without a Will

babygurl *
Junior Member

since 2001-12-07

Posts 30

0 posted 2002-07-17 11:44 PM

Once you were
never again
why this was
why don't you understand
break me once
regain the trust
but never again
broken promises
like the needle poked my skin
why didn't I learn
from the first time it stung
the pain just shied away
built up fear
I steared clear
from your hollow heart
but came once more
to reclaim my strength
but never again
will you be a part of me
or be a memory like the paper with a pen
you swept me off
like angel dust
for I could never be cruel
until I was a fool
you worshiped the top
so I let your way be
but never again
for you see the tear filled flowers
on top
of the grave of me.
----------------------------------------------------

This was written not too long ago.. i know i havent posted anything for sooooooo long but i hope yall still remember me! anyways when you guys read this i want your HONEST opinions cause i know there is lots of stuff that should be changed and redone!!
thanks everyone!!!!!!

LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

1 posted 2002-07-17 11:48 PM

Changed my mind....reread a couple more times and decided I was in a bad mood last night. It's a lot better when you have time ti read into it! Great Job!

~Lisa

[This message has been edited by LCBS (07-18-2002 11:01 AM).]

Kielo
Senior Member

since 2002-02-11

Posts 1109

2 posted 2002-07-18 02:07 AM

I'm really sorry about this, but my only critique is that its pink. I'm too tired to think. I'll try and come back later, and think of something more intelligent, and then, when I'm awake, pink won't bother me. Something about pink and sleepiness makes me uncomfortable. That's odd, isn't it?

(Ok, I'm going to shut up and stop rambling now. Bye)

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

3 posted 2002-07-18 02:20 AM

Heyo, Jacko! Of course I remember you! Heheh...hmmmm, I think for a more indepth---I'm going to call you...okay?

Others are too in love with the sound of their own voice to speak the truth...

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