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Teen Poetry #5
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Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258
meet Morgana

0 posted 2002-07-13 08:43 PM


Think you know me so well
In the restaurant in the booth
I took you home but you still
Wouldn’t swallow your food

Are you reading the signs
As we drive by, passing it on
By, feels inhuman to be so
Dry, its not my fault you
Keep aiming for my ankles

I feel like twisted lingerie
When you wear all black,
I feel like pulling out the guns
When silence swallows your
Skin, I feel I feel I feel

But the problem is
That you don’t


"I think I would like to call myself 'the girl who wanted to be God'." Sylvia Plath

© Copyright 2002 Morgana - All Rights Reserved
clve527
Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200

1 posted 2002-07-13 11:41 PM


This piece has potential, it really does.  But the strange line breaks coupled with the utter lack of serious punctuation makes this piece a pond that gets harder and harder to wade through.  The images are good throughout the piece, but it really is begging for structure.  But I am guessing others will come in and comment after me and make me seem like I am insane.  Either way.

Casey

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
-   T. S. Eliot

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258
meet Morgana
2 posted 2002-07-14 12:04 PM


Thanks for your honesty. Most people are so ready to lick your ass, you know what I mean? Personally I don't like using a specific structure or formula for my poetry because I like it to just flow. You read it how you want to read it. How much you get out of it is really up to you. However, I do understand that it can be a pain to try and 'get it' when the writer isn't giving you much to work with in the first place. You're not insane. ;-) Thanks again.


"I think I would like to call myself 'the girl who wanted to be God'." Sylvia Plath

quietlydying
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Senior Member
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz
3 posted 2002-07-15 09:54 PM


hey girl.

i loved this.  it really caught me off guard considering it's way above the average level of the rest of the pieces in here.

i agree about the punctuation, but that's about it.

reminds me of 'i died' by bif.  nice work.

msg me when you have a chance.  it's been a while.

/jen/

so foul and fair a day i have not seen.  - macbeth act 1, scene 3

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258
meet Morgana
4 posted 2002-07-15 10:45 PM


Hey,

Bif Naked, right? I've heard a few of her songs but not "I Died". I'll check into it sometime. Always looking for more music to listen to.

Thanks a lot for your reply. Reading over it again I do agree.. I'm too lazy to fix it though. At least not right now.

What's your screen name again? I stopped IMing you because I thought I was just being annoying. lol I'll talk to you soon.

- me


"I think I would like to call myself 'the girl who wanted to be God'." Sylvia Plath

PoetryIsLife
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Senior Member
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763
...in my boxers...
5 posted 2002-07-16 04:00 PM


Gnarly piece Memina. I'm not sure I get it all, but... very interesting.

Sincerely,
SaVerite (Titus)

As I'm out there, walking, searching, for myself, for you.... won't you join me? Let's walk this journey together.

jave
Junior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 18
CO, USA
6 posted 2002-07-16 10:46 PM


Damn, that was awesome! It had it's own flow, beautiful.
xEmperorEmber
Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 136
tx
7 posted 2002-08-13 02:39 PM


I understand.

love,
Paul

Allysa
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since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden
8 posted 2002-08-13 03:12 PM


You ever felt like you could just jump inside someone else's skin and walk around for a while?  That's what this piece did for me.  
Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258
meet Morgana
9 posted 2002-08-13 03:25 PM


Hey, nobody reply to this please. lol That moron Paul decided to bring it back up. If you're going to reply to one of my crappy poems please do so to the newest one (which at the moment is "Pumpkin Pie") since I don't care about what I wrote before.   Thanks.

I'm married to Mr.Metaphor. We make love everyday.

[This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (08-13-2002 03:26 PM).]

punkrockerrobin
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Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180
Sparks, NV
10 posted 2002-08-14 04:28 AM


great poem i really liked it hope to see more from you. tks for the read.
robin

you either like me for who i am or you don't like me at all

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