A Silent Walk Through Neverland

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ericaisamonkey
Member

since 2002-04-04

Posts 51
A little town north of nowhere

0 posted 2002-06-09 01:52 AM

The roses fully bloomed
Your kisses oh so gentle
The grass is bright green and the sun shining high
You remember
Long talks, silent cuddling
An adventure awaits
Blind ambition
Useless attempts
I smell summer
And snese the rain
The colors blur
I slowly forget
Wonderful times
Now time to grow up
Always forgetting, where I left off
I'm pushed from the circle
Then pulled deep inside
Deja vu takes everything
And helps me remember
That silent walk through Neverland
As the breeze fades
And the moion shining high
I go back to before
I awake with a feeling
Warm and calming
I still have yet to remember
A silent walk through Neverland.

*Erica*

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

1 posted 2002-06-09 02:15 AM

I liked this one. The ones you've posted lately are really different from your old ones, you're writing happy poems now...

Anyway, I liked this one, it sounded good except for a couple spelling mistakes.

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

2 posted 2002-06-09 06:14 PM

Erica-

The gentle tone of this poem makes it a pleasure to read! It's good to be young forever, but growing old is something we all get to look forward to. ^^; I think. Hehehe...

"The grass is bright green and the sun shining high"
"And the moon shining high"

I like the way you wrote these two lines. Why? Well, first of all, you bring closure to the poem, from day to night using the sun and moon. As well, the repetition of "shining high" unifies the poem, so there really isn't much sparratic "behavior". Uhh...yeah! ^_^;

Overall, nicely done! Thanks for sharing!

Leah

Shmurfkins
New Member

since 2002-01-29

Posts 5
the state of confusion

3 posted 2002-06-10 11:05 PM

I like this poem, went over my head the first time, but the second time around I got it

it's very nicely written and I look forward to reading more of your work

~Stace

WHOOOOOOOOOOO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2002-06-10 11:16 PM

I thought the poem was fine, the idea was a very very nice one. However, I think you could have expressed it better using a different tone. I liked this a lot though.

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